


Moonstruck

by ImmortalBerry



Category: Bonanza
Genre: Abduction, Buck - Freeform, Chub, Gen, Horses, Hurt Adam, Hurt/Comfort, Papa Bear - Freeform, Sleepwalking, Worried Joe, cochise - Freeform, worried Hoss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-06
Updated: 2019-05-08
Packaged: 2020-02-27 08:06:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 35,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18734992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalBerry/pseuds/ImmortalBerry
Summary: After facing a difficult trial as the only witness and having to deal with the consequences, Adam starts to wake up in different places in the middle of the night. With no recollection of how he ended up like this and with no idea about what is happening to him, he tries to keep the facade for his family's sake. His brothers have something different in mind.





	1. A dark night

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction :3 I first posted it on fafiction.net first, but I love the community here. I hope you enjoy this story.

Sand, a bit of dry, spiky grass… and a few stones maybe? The rough texture beneath Adam’s bare soles roused him from his semi-conscious state. The cold ground sent icy waves up his legs and over his spine, making him shiver. Dumbfounded, he looked around seeing nothing but darkness. The howl of the wind going through his dark locks told him that he was outside… at night.

“Wha- “

His raspy voice surprised him, startling him fully awake. He rotated around his own axis, looking or rather searching for a clue which might explain why he was standing outside in the middle of nowhere when the last thing he clearly remembered was going to bed. Gazing down his body, Adam also realized that he still had his rumpled nightshirt on. He would never leave the house on his own accord with only as much as a nightshirt on, which meant the last memory of him being in his room and going to bed must have been the last thing he actively did. Still, this didn’t explain the fact that he was currently not in his warm, soft bed, having the snores of his gentle, younger brother wash over him. What if he was taken? What if someone broke into the house and for some reason abducted him? Adam send a prayer towards heaven, hoping his family would be unharmed. Another thought occurred to him. Slumping his shoulders to make himself as small as possible, but with his whole body tensed up, Adam scurried over to something that seemed to be a rock formation. He could barely make out the shape of the rocks from what little light he had. With his back now pressed against the rock, Adam stopped moving and tried to listen for anything that could indicate he wasn’t alone. The wind was unusually strong tonight, booming through the leaves on a tree nearby and rustling a few bushes around him. Other than that, there was no sound. Letting out a huge breath Adam didn’t realize he had been holding, he slowly rose from his hiding place, determining that if someone had the intention to harm him, they could’ve done so before when he was defenselessly standing out in the open. Suddenly, the whole world was tinged in a dark gray, as the moon poked out from behind a sad, lonely cloud up in the sky.

“Nice of you to show up.” Adam muttered looking up. Finally, he was able to distinguish his surroundings and looking around a bit further, he realized that it looked familiar to him. He wasn’t that far away from the house. Deciding he had enough of the cold wind and shivers running up and down his spine, he took a step towards home, towards Joe, Hoss and Pa and most importantly, towards his warm bed. Putting his foot down, he had to wince immediately. His feet were full of blisters from walking for a while without the comforting leather of his boots. After slowly and painfully making his way home, Adam stepped as quietly through the door into the living space as possible. The house was warm and still filled with a sweet and savory scent from last evening’s supper. The atmosphere also immediately worked wonders on easing down Adam’s nerves. With getting closer to his room, the exhaustion he felt also became more prominent. His limbs were aching, and his feet were burning. Sneaking up the stairs and past his brothers’ rooms on tip toes, Adam almost bumped into his still half-asleep father.

“Adam.” Ben said. “What are you doing up, son?” His words were slurred and halfway through accompanied by a hearty yawn. Adam stared at his father and scrunched his eyebrows. He thought he would be able to sneak back into bed without waking up any of his family members. Afraid that their conversation might also wake up Hoss and Little Joe, Adam lowered his voice. He wasn’t keen on getting too much attention tonight. Or in Adam’s case, ever.

“Nothing Pa. I thought I heard something downstairs and checked it, but there was nothing there so I’m off back to bed now.”

“I thought I heard something, too.” Ben said while scratching his chest. _Yes Pa. It was me, coming back from my nightly walk while only having a nightshirt on…_ Adam thought to himself. He decided now was not the time to mention any of that to his father, especially since Adam still had to figure out what exactly it was that had happened to him tonight. Ben put a big and warm hand on Adam’s shoulder in a comforting way, smiled at his son with barely opened eyes and said “Go back to bed then. And have a pleasant rest, son.” Turning his back on Adam, Ben made his way back to the master bedroom and closed the squeaking door behind him. Sighing, Adam also entered his room and slowly sat down on his bed. He wasn’t willing to admit it to anyone, not even to himself, but in the back of his mind he knew that the experience from tonight made him slightly lose his composure. The fact that Adam woke up in the middle of nowhere with no recollection of how he got there was scaring him. With yet another sigh, he closed his eyes pinching the bridge of his nose. He could feel the start of a headache pulsing behind his eyes. He should probably lay down and try to catch a few more hours of shuteye before the new day would arise. Adam had trouble sleeping lately because he had a lot on his mind. For a few days already, he would toss around in bed, flinging his sheets everywhere trying to ease his troubled mind, until the exhaustion grew too much and he was finally succumbed to sweet oblivion. He had trouble sleeping, yes, but nothing like this had ever happened to him before. He never lost hours of memories… Well, at least not when he was sober as a judge. Opening his eyes again, his gaze fell onto the basin of fresh water Hop Sing had put onto his desk for washing up in the morning. Forcing his aching limbs to stand up, Adam hobbled towards the basin and put it down on the floor in front of the bed. Sitting down, he slowly put his feet into the cool water. At first, the burning increased but it slowly subsided afterwards and the cold liquid brought some relieve to his hurting feet. He let them soak in the water a little longer until his feet were wrinkled, to make sure all the dirt was washed from the open flesh. He _couldn’t_ _wait_ to ride to town tomorrow to run all those errands his father had tasked him with. He carefully dried his feet and put a pair of socks on before slipping under the blanket. Closing his eyes, Adam decided to forget about what had happened tonight. There was no point in making a mountain out of a molehill if nobody got (seriously) injured. Besides, there was no sense in worrying his Pa or brothers over a matter which Adam couldn’t even explain in the first place. Satisfied with that decision, Adam was fast asleep for a change.

 


	2. A peaceful breakfast

“Adam! Breakfast is almost ready! Come on down!”

Adam woke up to sunshine beaming through the window and a rumble in the pit of his stomach. Startled at how late in the morning it already was, he swung his feet to the side of the bed intending to get up and ready for the day. Before setting his feet onto the floor, he hesitated. His feet felt fine, a bit stiff, but overall fine. He slowly set them down.  _Good._ Now he carefully tried to put some weight on them.  _Even better._ He had his first sigh in the morning but this one was accompanied by a smile and feelings of relief. He slept like a log after he retired for the night…  _For the second time._ He pushed the thought of his nightly escapade away, rather focusing on how refreshed he felt. Even though his feet felt better, he carefully descended the stairs while Ben was watching his movements like a hawk.

“Are you alright, son? It’s not likely for you to be the one who sleeps in when there is a long day of work ahead.” Ben took another sip from his coffee turning to the next page in the latest edition of the Territorial Enterprise. Little Joe and Hoss, who were already sitting at the table, looked up from their plates to cast a glance at Adam as well.

“Pa is right, older brother. Little Joe is usually the one ye gotta drag outa bed. Ya feelin’ okay?” Hoss added. Their scrutiny displayed a mixture of curiosity and concern. Situations like these were exactly the type Adam wanted to avoid at all cost.

“What? Can a man not sleep in for once?” He intended for it to sound lighthearted but couldn’t help the sharpness his deep voice carried. He moved to sit down at the table picking up the cup Hop Sing had already filled with coffee for him. Taking a big sip of the black liquid, Adam could still feel their gazes on him.

“It was just a few long days in the saddle and I was a bit exhausted. I think my body just needed the rest.” Adam added to get out of the spotlight. Hoss and Little Joe accepted the explanation immediately as they themselves had to ease down slowly to sit at the table. After the days of cattle driving, their hides were more shaped like a saddle than a saddle itself.

“Understandable, older brother. With old bones like yours you are bound to feel exhausted.” Joe taunted with half a mouth full of scrambled eggs, which earned him a sharp “Joseph!” from their father.

The rest of the breakfast went on without any more interruptions. Adam could still feel that his father was eyeing him out of the corner of his eye from time to time. After Hop Sing cleared the table and Hoss and Joe got up to get to work, Adam wanted to follow suit when his father stopped him.

“Adam, are you sure everything is alright? You went down the stairs so carefully but you had no trouble sitting down, unlike little Joe and Hoss with their raw hides. I also thought about what happened last night when you bumped into me. Were you really just checking where the sound came from?” Ben lowered his head to stare at Adam from under his thick brows. Adam felt like he was 12 again. Ben wasn’t finished “As soon as I heard the sound from downstairs, I got up to examine it. If you did the same, you went mighty fast down and up the stairs again.” Now Ben crossed his arms in front of his broad chest. Adam had to hand it to his father; He had a keen eye and was quick witted and Adam admired him for it. It was also the reason why it was difficult to hide something from him. But Adam usually managed well.

“Yes, Pa everything is fine… And about last night, I only went to the top of the stairs to look down. It was quiet then and I saw nothing out of the ordinary, so I dismissed the noise I heard.” He smiled warmly at his father while draining all the tension from his body, forcing himself to relax. Adam knew that he had to put the guard down to keep the mask on. The smile on his face turned into a genuine one as he thought about all the times his father had figured out one of Joe’s many schemes because he was able to read his youngest son like an open book. Ben held the stare a few seconds longer but realizing his oldest wasn’t going to crumble beneath his glare, Ben closed his eyes and let a breath slowly out of his nose.

“Fine then. But you tell me if anything is bothering you.” Ben said. The dark circles under Adam’s eyes and his foul mood didn’t go unnoticed. _Maybe it’s still the Wright trial that’s worrying him?_ Ben pondered.

“If there would be anything, I’d let you know. Now, I’ll go to town to fetch the supplies and stop by the post office. Is there anything else you need?” Adam asked, quickly diverting the topic.

“I don’t think so.” Casting a glance at the clock, Ben added “You should hurry before Hop Sing catches you _not_ getting the supplies.” Adam chuckled and muttered something about _fury of the dragon_ before heading towards the door. Knowing his father would still be observing him, he made sure to use fast and long strides on his way to pick up his hat, gun and gun belt. Before he went out of the door, he turned and smiled charmingly at his father while tipping the rim of his black hat.

 


	3. A visit to town

On top of the wagon, Adam was gently swaying from side to side. Getting closer and closer to Virginia City, he started to feel slightly sick. His heart started to race and his breathing slightly increased.  _You’ll manage, Adam. Don’t let this get to you. You did the right thing._ He tried to convince himself. Driving into town, Adam pulled his hat deeper into his face. Waves of sounds and smells drifted over to him. He could faintly hear the clatter of glasses and voices engrossed in discussion from the Silver Dollar as he drove past it. On the other side of the street was a group of young women chatting and laughing. They were showing off their new clothes to one another as one of them whispered something to the others, her eyes fixed on Adam. The other women followed her stare until they also rested on Adam’s still swaying form. Their chatting and laughter died down immediately. Their gazes turned icy, their expressions blank or in some cases, they even displayed anger. With their stares stabbing into his back, Adam continued driving down the street. To his misfortune, it was a busy day in Virginia City. People were running errands, miners decided it was a good day to get a cold beer, a stage coach just arrived and children were playing on the street. Adam stopped in front of the general store and got off the wagon when a group of playing children almost tumbled into him. The biggest kid in the group was still laughing when he turned to Adam to - as Adam assumed - politely apologize for the mishap when suddenly his breath caught in his throat and his eyes grew wide with recognition. The other kids behind him all turned pale simultaneously. 

“We did nothing wrong Mr. Cartwright! It was an accident!” The biggest kid said as soon as he found his voice again. Adam watched as they slowly backed away from him and then, as if there was a silent signal only they could hear, they turned and ran.

“Run! Run before he gets you as well!” One of the fleeing children screamed. _Great,_ Adam thought, _now, I’ve got everyone’s attention._ Shoving his hat even deeper into his face to avoid eye contact with the onlookers, he hurried to enter the general store and get the tasks over and done with. The store was empty except for Hank working at the counter. He was holding a sheet of paper, presumably an inventory list, as Adam made his entrance and silently walked up to the counter.

“Hello Hank. I’m here for restocking our supplies on the ranch. Here is a list of the things I need.” Adam gently pushed the list across the counter. Hank didn’t even look up from the inventory list when Adam spoke to him. He slowly lowered the clipboard and looked at the list on the counter with a grimace. He then picked it up between two fingers, holding it at an arm’s length away from him.

“No problem, _Mr. Cartwright._ They’ll be loaded onto your wagon. Now, if you excuse me…” Hank turned his back to Adam focusing on the inventory list again, not even feigning to get the supplies for him. By now, Adam was fuming. _Mr. Cartwright?_ It was only a month ago Adam and Hank were swaying from side to side, an arm draped around each others shoulders in a brotherly manner while blaring out a song.

“Hank, I did the right thing and you know that! Your behavior is immature and you should know better to treat me like this! I’m disappointed in you.” Adam felt exhausted again. His hands were slightly trembling and he was glad Hank still had his back to him.

“I think you should leave now, _Adam._ ” Hank almost spat his name this time. “Gladly.” Adam breathed, barely containing his anger. Before he went through the door, he looked at Hank’s back once more. “When I get back from the post office, I’ll better find the supplies on the back of my wagon! Or I need to get back in here.” With that, Adam left the store feeling slightly sick again. Back on the street on his way to the post office, he received the dirty looks from people passing him by. He quickly got the mail and stuffed them into his jacket pocket when someone behind him spoke up. “Adam! How are you holding up?” The voice behind him sounded kind. _Am I imagining things now?_ Adam thought as he turned to investigate. Behind him stood his favorite sheriff, smiling at him in a friendly way.

“Roy,” Adam smiled at his friend. “I’m holding up, you know me, Roy. If Hank stops sulking, grows up and provides me with the supplies I asked for, it’ll be fine.” Adam said while shoving a thumb in the store’s direction.

“Is he denying service to you? Should I have a talk with him? Maybe someone needs to put him in his right mind again.” Roy said, the scowl on his face proving his genuine displeasure with the whole situation.

Adam felt gratitude for the man before him. “Thanks Roy, but I already had a talk with him, I promise you that. I also trust you that not a word of any of this reaches Pa. I don’t want him going berserk in town on townsfolk, who are clearly misguided considering this matter. They will snap back to reality eventually.”

“I hope for that as well…” Roy added. “I won’t mention anything directly to your father about this, but if he asks me about it, I will not lie to him. I don’t like interfering with family matters, but you shouldn’t keep things from your father, Adam.” Roy rebuked him. Adam had expected an answer like that and nodded at Roy. After assuring him he’d be able to deal with Hank and all the glares he got, he waved goodbye to Roy and walked back to the store. When he got back, he found the supplies loaded onto his wagon and let out a breath of relief. “Good boy.” Adam mumbled while getting back on the seat. Reins in hands, Adam steered the wagon and its carriage back on track towards home. After arriving, he helped Hop Sing to stash away everything and afterwards, he joined a few hands who were working nearby. He worked with them until supper was almost ready. Adam washed up before he joined his family at the table. Ben was just getting reports from Hoss and Joe about the work they accomplished and which problems still had to be tackled.

“We should take a few more hands with us for that next time.” Little Joe just finished. They all looked up when Adam joined them. “How was day in town?” Joe asked his older brother. They all waited for an answer. Of course, the way Adam had been treated after the trial didn’t go over their heads, so all of them intended to check if the treatment still went on. Looking from face to face, Adam put on a nonchalant expression while talking. “It was fine. Really busy today. I put the mail onto your desk, Pa.” Adam took a break while chewing on a piece of roast beef. “Oh, I also met Roy. He is sending his regards to you. But he seemed quite busy with that many people out and about.” The other three Cartwrights exchanged looks. They all knew that if Adam wanted to hide something from them, he usually succeeded. And because he was good with that, they didn’t know if the things he said were part of a pretense or part of the truth. All of them having their own thoughts to brood over, they sat in silence while continuing to eat. After he finished, Adam said goodnight, wanting to retire early and ascended the stairs. In his room, he bathed his feet again and discovered with great relief that the blisters were healing nicely. He put on a pair of fresh socks, crawled under the cover and tried to shut out all unpleasantness. At some point, he drifted to sleep.

 


	4. Nightmare

He was standing in a cloud of dust. Disorientated, Adam looked around and tried to suck in every hint, every sound or shape that provided answers to the mess of questions already forming in his head. He tried to listen but the only thing he heard was his own rapid breath and the blood pulsing in his ears. He wanted to take a step, but his body wasn’t responding when his mind willed his limbs to move. He tried to call out for help but when he opened his mouth, he formed the words but there was no sound coming out, no matter how hard he tried.

“ _Your fault.”_ Adam slightly jumped as a voice to his right whispered something into his ear. _“You lied, didn’t you?”_ This time, it came from the left. With wide eyes, Adam searched around but he was still alone. The cloud of dust around him had almost settled now and with shock, he realized that he was standing in the middle of the street in Virginia city. Looking down his body, he saw that he was only wearing his nightshirt… again. People were walking past him but nobody seemed to be aware of him standing there all alone like a lost child. Suddenly there was a bloodcurdling, high-pitched scream to his left. Startled, he turned in the direction it came from and finally located it in a small alley next to the saloon. Despite being a bright and sunny day, the alley was dark and Adam could barely make out movements, accompanied by a little whimper drifting over to him. He moved closer to be able to see clearly what was going on. There were two shadows; One was strong and tall built, so Adam assumed it was a man. The other shadow was down on its knees in front of the man. It had a slender and delicate built and judging from the wasp waist and puffy dress skirt that had gathered on the floor around its knees like a cotton cloud, he assumed it was a woman. Thinking he had disturbed the two of them in a rather private moment, Adam was about to turn away, his cheeks tinged red, when he suddenly heard an alerting noise from the couple. It was a gasp, no… Rather the sound of choking. Someone was desperately trying to fill their lungs with air. Adam turned around sharply and stopped breathing for a few drawn out seconds as he could clearly make out, that the man had his huge hands tightly gripped around the woman’s throat, squeezing, with what seemed to be inhuman strength, the life out of her tiny frame. And then, Adam just stood there, eyes wide open and fixed on the scenario in the alley, unable to move. His mind was screaming at him to go to them and save her, to fight for her life, to at least call for help, anything, but it was as if his body didn’t belong to him anymore. He could only watch as her gasps stopped, her hands stopped clawing at the firm grip around her throat, her shoulders slumped and as the figure hovering over her finally released her, Adam watched as she crumbled to the floor in a lifeless heap. The man stood there for a while, examining his work while his chest rose and sank heavily. Then, he took something out of his pocket. It was fastened to his coat with a chain. He clicked it open and looked at it before clicking it shut again. He was about to put it back in his pocket when he stopped mid-motion and brought it up closer to his face again, clicking it open, looking at it and closing it before it finally went back in his pocket. Adam recognized it as a pocket watch and right then and there, Adam knew who the man was despite being hidden in the shadows. With his body finally kicking back in, Adam looked around and shouted at the people passing him by.

“Quick! Someone was murdered in this alley! The perpetrator is still there! We need to catch him! Look!” Adam screamed at the townsfolk close by but they weren’t even batting an eye at his desperate cries. _Why? Why was nobody helping him? Or even looking at him?_ But there _was_ someone looking at him. Turning back to the alley, Adam saw that the man was staring at him. His head was still shielded from looks by the black shadows covering him and making him appear as a faceless monster, but Adam knew he had a face. It was a face everyone knew. The man straightened up threateningly one last time before he took off and Adam was about to chase after him when a painful grip on his shoulder held him back.

“What?!” Adam snapped, on the verge of exploding into the person’s face who had held him back. He was in pursuit of a murderer; How could they stop him?! Ready to hand out a piece of his mind, Adam turned to the owner of the hand on his shoulder and froze immediately. The person behind him had no face. His mind went blank, the murderer forgotten. How was this possible? In the corner of his eyes, he saw more people approaching. They all had no faces. Feeling the panic slowly rise in his chest, Adam tried to retreat but the death-grip on his shoulder made it impossible. His eyes nervously darted from one faceless creature to the next as they came closer and closer…

“LIAR!” Hands were closing around his throat from behind him and then the world tilted and everything went still and black.

 


	5. Lunatism

As if swimming back to the surface of a pitch-black and icy cold lake, Adam’s tired mind slowly returned to consciousness. First thing he felt was the cold wind on his naked legs, then his aching limbs and then his still injured feet and one or two new injuries joining the party. Frantically looking around, Adam found himself standing in the middle of nowhere,  _again!_ But what was even worse: He was uncomfortably close to a rock ledge on the Ponderosa which was fondly named ‘Bone crusher’ by their hands.

“Darn it!” Adam cursed while scurrying a few steps away from the ledge which honored its name, and by doing so, tripping in the process and painfully landing on his hide. Rubbing the stinging area, Adam also took in the rest of his body. He was wearing his nightshirt ( _What a surprise!)_ and the socks he put on before going to bed. No boots this time as well, but Adam was relieved that his feet were at least a little bit shielded from any further injuries by the thin layer of cotton. Feeling the wetness on his soles seeping through the fabric probably wasn’t a good sign though. Lifting his nightshirt up a little revealed bruised knees and shins. His left knee was scraped open but had already stopped bleeding. He had scratches on his arms and his hands were dirty as if they had caught his fall out of reflex more than one time. Drawing a conclusion with the information he had, Adam rubbed at his strained and stiff shoulder absent-minded. It felt like someone’s touch still lingered there, but when Adam tried to search his memories for an explanation, he couldn’t quite grasp it. Every time he tried to remember, it slipped away again. As if trying to eat a broth with a fork or searching for a word that’s on the tip of your tongue, _frustrating._ Slowly rising from the ground, Adam put his wits to work. It happened again and this time he was sure that he had walked here on his own accord but without knowingly doing so. His body proved that he had tripped a lot which means his usually sharp coordination had failed him on his nightly journey. And no matter how hard Adam tried, the last thing he remembered was going to bed at the ranch. In addition, he felt more tired than he had felt before going to bed, but he also was sure that he had slept at least for a while. He still had after-images of a horrible nightmare flashing before his inner eye. All those symptoms were familiar to him. While studying in Boston, Adam came across a wise professor who also worked as a doctor. Dr. Robertson and himself made it a habit to meet for lunch and talk about their current readings, when one day, Dr. Robertson arrived and sat down next to Adam with a heavy sigh. Adam wasn’t used to see the lively and happy man in such a state and asked him what it was that was worrying him. Dr. Robertson gratefully turned to Adam and started to tell his story with a sad smile on his lips. It was about a patient of his, a six-year-old boy named Timmy. His mother desperately asked for Dr. Robertson’s help as she described to him what odd behavior her boy recently displayed: While being asleep, Timmy suddenly sat up in bed and talked. It didn’t make sense to his mother and because Timmy laid down again and was fast asleep, she dismissed the event. A few days later, the mother woke up to a clattering noise and out of instinct, she checked on her son first only to find his bed empty. When she searched for him, she found him standing at their dining table with a spoon in one hand, a tipped over chair next to him on the floor. His eyes were open but he was staring into emptiness and he didn’t react to his mother’s voice. She managed to get him back to bed and kept watch over him the rest of the night. When he woke up he said he couldn’t remember any of the things his mother claimed he had done during the night. That was when she came looking for help. Dr. Robertson had heard of a phenomenon like that before and wanted to help the woman and her child. Following the next few days, he had read a lot about this illness. All reported cases Dr. Robertson had stumbled upon were about children from four to thirteen years old that were affected by the illness called ‘lunatism’. Various books and articles depicted, that the children affected were coaxed out of their bed by the light of the moon and started to walk towards it while still being asleep. Some cases even left the safety of their home, some injured themselves when they tripped over things. Some cases even acted while walking in their sleep, like eating, cleaning or simply moving the furniture through the room. As of now, there was no further explanation other than the sleeper being _moonstruck._ Adam asked Dr. Robertson how he was planning to treat Timmy’s illness but the doctor just stared ahead into empty space. After a few breaths, he slowly started shaking his head.

“That is not necessary anymore.” Dr. Robertson said with his deep voice. “Last night, Timmy was sleepwalking again when he tripped and fell down the staircase. He broke his neck. His mother found him.” His voice carried deep sorrow and his face suddenly appeared much older to Adam. That day, they ate in silence and grieved for the young life that was lost.

Adam let out a breath while slowly nodding. It never came to his mind before that he was experiencing lunatism, because all reported cases were children and he was obviously a full-grown man. But looking at his situation rationally, all the symptoms he was experiencing matched the ones Dr. Robertson told him about.

“Ha!” Adam barked out a laugh while shaking his head in disbelief. _Of course! Not only am I suffering from an illness that only children usually experience, no… It’s also an illness described as moonstruck, as in ‘mentally deranged or crazed, by the influence of the moon’._ Adam pressed the palm of his hands over his eyes, trying to chase the headache away. He had to admit that this revelation hurt his pride… a lot. How was he ever going to deal with this? Didn’t he already have enough weight on his shoulders? _Pa, Hoss, Joe… They should never know about this. Especially Joe, he’d never leave me alone with that._ Suddenly remembering his family and his home, Adam stared with horror at the rising sun in the distance. It was dawn already and Adam was still a few miles away from home. _Pa is going to kill me._ As fast as he managed to walk with his injured feet, he made his way home. Adam almost floated across the porch to the entrance of his home, avoiding all squeaking boards, and slowly opened the door. He carefully stepped inside and slowly pulled the door shut behind him. _So far so good._

“ADAM.” The roar behind him made him flinch. As he turned to the living area, he was greeted with the sight of all his family members gathered around, staring back at him. Little Joe and Hoss sat on the settee, their heads turned to face the door. His father had been sitting in the red armchair and had risen when Adam had entered the house. He was now standing next to the settee, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest. They have been waiting for him. Realizing there was no way to sneak past them now or even to try to encounter the oncoming storm with nonchalance, Adam decided to take on a serious expression as well. His father was already scanning Adam’s appearance and the angry expression on his face shifted slightly, displaying worry now as well.

“Adam, what is going on. Why were you out before dawn and then only wearing your nightshirt?” Ben’s eyes jumped from Adam’s face to his legs and arms and back to his face again. He scrunched his eyebrows, begging his son through his eyes to tell him the truth.

“I had a terrible nightmare which made me wake up in a cold sweat during the night. I tried to fall back asleep but I couldn’t, I just felt so… trapped.” Adam lowered his eyes to the floor and took a heavy breath. “I just needed some air. I only wanted to step out on the porch so I put on a pair of socks. The night air was so refreshing.” Adam closed his eyes for a second before opening them again and looking right at his father. “I walked for a few minutes and I just… I just kept going. I didn’t even realize how far I’ve walked until I saw the sun rising. I’m sorry I’ve worried you but I’m fine. I really needed that walk.” Adam smiled at his father lovingly. He decided that he had to tell his father the truth, well at least most of it. Telling Ben about the fact that Adam was still asleep while taking a walk was something that would only cause more trouble than it would be doing good. Ben sensed the truth in his son’s words and nodded, the tension leaving his body. Little Joe and Hoss had been watching the whole encounter silently. The story their brother had told, surprised them. Adam wasn’t someone who easily admitted that he had a nightmare. They knew that Adam took admitting something like that as a blow to his pride as a man. Which, in conclusion, meant admitting something like that, not only to their father but also to Hoss and Joe, either meant the situation was very serious, or Adam was trying to hide an even darker secret from them. Little Joe and Hoss exchanged looks and slowly rose from the settee to step closer to their brother.

“Dadburnit, Adam, ye look terrible. Where’d all the scratches and bruises come from?” Hoss asked while taking one of his big brother’s wrist in his giant hand, turning it around to examine the injuries on Adam’s arms. Adam lowered his gaze, as if he was embarrassed.

“I tripped and fell. Only the moon was providing a little bit of light but otherwise it was dark.” With his free hand, he nervously pulled at his ear. Ben’s scanning gaze wandered Adam’s body up and down again until it stopped at Adam’s feet. The black socks he wore were ripped at some parts and a few shades lighter at some areas due to the dust and dirt sticking to them. 

“You only wore these socks while walking out there? At night?” Ben was in disbelief. He leaned forward to look past his son’s battered feet and spotted what he was searching for: Bloody footprints on the wooden floor.

“Adam, what has gotten into you!” Ben stepped forward and grabbed his son’s shoulders, locking eyes with Adam. Adam opened his mouth as if to say something but he couldn’t think of anything to say. The reason Adam lied to his family was to protect them and himself. They all lived a fast-paced life and all of them, even little Joe, carried a lot of responsibility on their shoulders. The last thing he wanted to do was add weight to that with matters that he should be able to deal with himself. He was an adult. He didn’t need his Pa holding his hand every step of the way. He didn’t need his younger brothers worrying over him. Especially with the situation he was in now, he feared how his family, their hands and everyone else who knew Adam, would see him if they knew he was moonstruck, a lunatic coaxed out of bed at night to bath in the moonlight and stumbling through the wilderness, injuring himself like a moron while doing so. All the trust and respect he had fought so hard to earn, all the hours of work to maintain a good reputation worthy of a Cartwright would be in danger. But what he feared the most was the people in Virginia City hearing of his situation. They would tear him apart and use his state to question every claim, decision and judgment being based on one of Adam’s statements. No, he had to prevent that from happening. But now, looking at his father’s pleading and sad eyes, he didn’t dare to lie to him again. Standing there with his mouth simply opening and closing, like a gaping fish stranded on land, Adam finally closed it and adverted his gaze to his father’s chest, crumbling beneath Ben’s glare at last. Sensing it was the right thing to do, Ben pulled Adam into a papa-bear-hug, while gently stroking Adam’s black locks, giving him comfort. Adam just let it happen and dared to enjoy these few seconds of love and affection before clearing his throat and pulling away from his father again.

“Thanks Pa. I’ll be alright. It was stupid, I know but it won’t happen again.” Adam said and meant it.

Ben nodded at his son, satisfied for now with the moment they had shared. His eyes never leaving his son’s face, Ben called out to his other boys, still standing off to the side.

“Hoss, could you give me a hand and help me getting your brother to the settee?” Hoss sprang into action immediately.

“Of course, Pa.” Hoss was at Adam’s side in the blink of an eye, hoisting his big brother’s arm over his broad shoulders and holding it in place by Adam’s wrist, trying not to jar any injuries on his arm in the process. “You can lean on me, Adam.” Hoss said with a loving smile on his lips. Adam, way too tired to protest, slumped against Hoss and let him gratefully take most of his weight.

“Joseph, could you notify Hop Sing that we need a bowl of warm water, a towel and bandages for Adam’s feet?” At Ben’s question, Joe stopped staring at his oldest brother and started moving as well. Only a short while later, Adam was resting on the settee, his eyes closed, while Hoss gently wrapped his feet in stripes of a white, clean cloth. He finished and gently put Adam’s feet up on the settee as well, before joining his father and little brother who were standing off to the side.

“Don’t look good, Pa. His feet are a mess and he has some other bad looking injuries. Somethin’ ‘bout this don’t feel right.” Hoss said in a low voice, wearing a frown on his face.

“Just, let it go for now, Hoss. I’m glad he came home in one piece and spoke to us at least. Adam always had a bad time dealing with nightmares when he was younger.” Ben said, looking at his son resting on the settee.

“What’s important is, that he knows that we are here for him if he needs us. Cornering Adam over something he doesn’t want to talk about only results in pushing him away further. Let’s leave him so that he can rest.” Ben added and with that they silently left the room or the house to get on with the work lying ahead of them. The last one to leave Adam be was little Joe. He remained silently standing next to his brother, watching him sleep for a few seconds, suspicion plastered onto his face.

“What are you hiding?” Little Joe mumbled, searching his brother’s still feature for an answer. After finally cutting his gaze loose, Joe sighed and left the room as well to clean the stable. At the sound of the front door closing, Adam opened his now darkened, brown eyes, staring at the ceiling for a few seconds. He was in serious trouble.

 


	6. Detective Joe

For the next few days, the tension never really left the Cartwright family. Ben’s fatherly instinct and strict demeanor resulted in him watching his oldest son’s every step like a hawk. Adam, aware of his father’s constant scrutiny, tried his best to act normal. Fortunately, the moon had spared him the recent nights and he was able to sleep comfortably in his own bed and give his feet the chance to heal. But Adam also knew from Dr. Robertson, that the moon and the resulting lunatism was unpredictable. Adam went to bed at night, always having to fear waking up in a different place, having injured himself, being caught by his family or, remembering the bone-crusher-ledge incident, fearing that he might never wake up at all. The constant fear also made him try stalling to go to bed. He went hours and hours on without sleep after telling his family that he’d like to retire to his room for the night. With his sudden, newfound time, he was able to study things he’d wanted to learn about for a long time now, was able to catch up on a lot of reading and also spent time on work related things, like putting up a contract for timber, going through work contracts of their hands, organizing schedules to install new fences in the most effective and well-managed way possible and checking their time schedules for the next cattle drive. For Adam, sleep slowly turned into a game of pure chance and the stakes were high; Even if he was spared from a nightly escapade through the wilderness, Adam often awoke in a cold sweat, blinking tears away and trying to catch his breath. He’d then lie there, motionless on his back with only his chest rising and sinking slowly, trying to chase the nightmare away. Another way of Adam’s idea of dealing with his situation was getting a slim pair of shoes he was able to wear to bed to prevent further damage to his feet in case he’d leave the bed at night and to put a chair under his door’s doorknob, effectively locking himself in his room. Adam knew he was very intelligent, but he hoped that moonstruck-Adam was not capable of figuring out this complex installation to be able to leave the room at night. The idea of staying put in his room, however naïve it might seem, helped in easing down his nerves a bit and helped him catch up on some much-needed sleep as well. Nevertheless, he was still suffering a lack of said sleep and that resulted in working sluggish and sloppy during the day. Due to his injured feet, Ben assigned him work he could only do at home, which Adam was very grateful for but he also had a feeling that his father just grabbed the opportunity to keep his son close-by in case…  _something happened._

Recently, there were other happenings taking place as well. Little Joe Cartwright wanted to be a man, to finally rule the roost, to prove himself to his father and brothers and seeing his big brother so vulnerable, so…  _fragile_ that one-night, little Joe knew that Adam needed his help. His Pa had said that they should leave Adam alone, that cornering him, forcing him to tell them what exactly was wrong, would only result in pushing Adam away, but Joe knew better; He knew that if you don’t force Adam to accept your help, he’d never voluntary get help from you, which might result in things turning from bad to worse in the blink of an eye. But Joe also wanted to be clever. He couldn’t let Adam know about his plan to find out what was bothering his brother until he had a solution as to how to address the problem and how to solve it. Making a premature move towards Adam would endanger the whole operation as Adam would push him away, telling him to stop snooping around. So, Joe made it his task to  _snoop around_ Adam and gather as much information which might explain his odd behavior.  _I’m so mature,_ Joe thought, mentally patting himself on the shoulder. The first thing, Joe took note of, was the dark circles under Adam’s eyes, his sluggish movements and being unusually sloppy while working at his father’s desk. Whenever he noticed that Joe was looking in his direction, he straightened, sending a calming smile at Joe.  _Typical Adam._ Joe added ‘tired’, ‘lack of sleep (?)’ and ‘stubborn!’ to his mental list of clues about  _the Mystery of Adam_ . Despite having trouble working, Adam still seemed to finish all his tasks effortlessly, even meeting a few extra tasks, too, while trying to not fall asleep. Joe sighed, shaking his head slowly while pacing in their living area. Adam was clearly not getting enough sleep. Joe even doubted that he got any sleep. But seeing Adam retire early for the night almost every evening, Joe wanted to know what Adam was doing in his room. One night, he sneaked out of his room on tip toes, quietly closing the distance to his brother’s chamber. The gap under the door revealed that there was still a source of light flickering in the room. Joe knew that Adam always extinguishes a candle before going to bed, which meant that he was still up. Joe slowly and carefully pressed one ear to the cold surface of the door but couldn’t hear a thing. Not wanting to get caught, Joe scurried back to his room, slipping under the covers into his still warm bed, brooding over the newfound clue.  _Maybe Adam is working on something…? If so, he has a reason to keep it secret from us,_ Joe thought while slowly slipping back to sleep. Sneaking out again one night, Joe was surprised to see no light flickering through the gap under Adam’s door. Thinking that his brother was finally asleep, Joe thought it was the perfect opportunity to cast a glance at his sleeping brother. Even though Adam admitting having a nightmare seemed to be a distraction in Joe’s eyes, he still couldn’t dismiss the simple idea of his brother’s lack of sleep being induced by afflicting nightmares. First, pressing his ear to the door, checking for sounds, Little Joe dared to slowly grab the doorknob, turning it and trying to push the door open. Turning the doorknob went well, but when he tried to push the door open, it wouldn’t budge. Even using more strength wouldn’t grant him entrance. Momentarily shocked, little Joe let go of the doorknob, stepping away from the door and staring at it in disbelief as he recognized the hindrance for what it was: Adam had locked the door from the inside by placing a chair underneath the doorknob. Joe knew, because he had done the same thing when he was little, did something stupid and feared his father was coming for his hide. Now, Joe was at a loss for words. Why would Adam lock himself in his room while he is sleeping? Their father always taught them to be there for each other, to help each other out, because in his eyes, family was the most important thing in life. There was more than one time when they had sat by each others beds while one of them was sick or injured, more than one time they went to comfort each other when someone woke up from a nightmare in the middle of the night. And knowing that his family was just a door away from him, made this house, this ranch more than a home for little Joe. It was a safe-haven in the middle of a stormy sea. In little Joe’s eyes, it was also a matter of trust that Adam betrayed by locking himself away from his family. Suddenly furious, Joe stomped away, not even bothering to be quiet. He went back to bed, almost fuming and angrily stared at the ceiling. And while trying to fall back to sleep and miserably failing doing so, little Joe decided that someone needs to know about this and he had just the right person in mind.

 


	7. Two minds

“So, you’re telling me that Adam is locking himself in his room at night?” Hoss frowned, not knowing what to do with this piece of information. “You sure it wasn’t a one-time kinda thing?” Hoss asked, scratching his sweaty and itchy head. They’ve been out in the field working on a fence while the sun has been burning down on their heads. Hoss noticed that his brother was upset about something because he was literally fuming and he was darn sure it wasn’t the sun’s fault. Little Joe had been unusually quiet as well; Hoss was just about to ask his little brother what the matter was when the dam inside Joe broke and words spilled out of him like a waterfall, telling Hoss a tale about secret investigations, clues to solve a mystery and a very upsetting, locked-up door.

“I am sure! What do you take me for? I’m not an amateur. I checked for a second time a few nights after and the door was still locked while Adam was asleep.” Joe puffed out of anger and agitation. “At least, he is supposed to be asleep… That’s the thing, Hoss. Didn’t you notice the dark circles under Adam’s eyes and how it feels like he is standing beside himself during the day? Whatever he is doing at night in his room, sleeping isn’t one of those things. I thought he might be working on something but the few times I checked, the light was rarely on. What bothers me the most, is that he is not trusting us with his problem… whatever that might be!” Joe concluded, taking heavy breaths after finishing his rant. Hoss took it as an opportunity to try and calm the situation down a notch.

“Y’ know, Adam is ma brother as well, and I love ’im but I hate how stubborn and reserved he is from time to time. When you think about it, Adam never does it to hurt us… At least not on purpose. He usually does it to protect us… or himself. It might be shocking little brother, but I’ve done ma own investigation too, ya know…” Hoss took a break, a smug grin plastered onto his sweaty face. Joe’s expression turned from mad to skeptical but Hoss could see the curiosity glittering in Joe’s eyes, so he continued.

“I noticed the same things as you, but there is one clue you didn’t take into account even though it started the whole investigation.” Hoss left it at that watching his little brother’s face to see if he could follow his train of thought. Joe scrunched his eyebrows, tapping his foot impatiently, while searching his memory for what Hoss meant. Hoss could see the wheels turning inside Joe’s head and then, there was a light in his eyes and an almost silent gasp escaping Joe’s mouth.

“He sneaked outside during the night and came back in the morning.” Joe said, eyes wide. How couldn’t he think about that and take that into account? That has been without a doubt the weirdest thing Adam has ever done. Why would he wander that far just to get some air? Why willingly injure his feet in the process? Joe slowly shook his head. “You are right, there has to be another explanation for him sneaking out. At least one that is more convincing that what he tried to sell us.” Joe looked at his brother in anticipation. Hoss continued.

“Yes, his explanation bothered me from the start, so I tried to think of what would make Adam sneak outside. And now, that you told me that he locks himself inside his room at night combined with the evidence of lack of sleep, I might’ve figured it out. Just think about it. Why would he lock his room? I’d sure do it if I’m tryna hide that I’m not in ma room. I bet his bed is empty and he is sneaking out of the window.” Hoss said. Watching Joe’s skeptical face, he continues to elaborate. “What do you think is worse? Getting caught locking yourself inside your room or getting caught sneaking out at night on a regular basis? I know which I’d prefer for sure.” Now, Joe looked convinced. He absentmindedly rubbed his hide in memory of getting caught sneaking out one too many times.

“But why would he snea-“ Joe stopped mid-sentence, his eyes jumping to Hoss, staring at him in realization.

“A woman.” Both Hoss and Joe said in unison, a slight smile on both their faces. Yes, it was the only logical explanation; Why Adam sneaked out at night and returned in the morning, the locked-up room, the lack of sleep and his secretiveness made sense now. It’s not far from reality that a man does crazy things out of love. Adam sure wasn’t an exception.

“He really doesn’t want us to meet his mystery lady, doesn’t he?” Joe asked, his eyes blankly staring into space while thinking of how to deal with the situation.

“That’s what I though as well. Adam seriously goes out of his way to make sure to keep her a secret from us. I’m curious as to who it is.” Hoss said, deep in thoughts as well.

“Maybe if we knew who it was, we could confront him about it and find a way to tell Pa, y’ know, together as brothers.” Little Joe suggested. He was determined to solve this whole thing. All the tension at home, the odd behavior, the secrets, it was exhausting. And if Joe already felt like that, he couldn’t imagine how Adam must be feeling.

“So how do find out who that mystery lady is? Come on little brother, I know ye has all the plans up your sleeves.” Hoss said, rubbing the back of his hand across his forehead and then crossing his arms across his chest.

“Yes, I might have a plan.” Joe said, a mischievous grin on his face.

.~.

Lying in bed one night,  _awake,_ Adam slowly turned his head to the window, gazing at the moon in the sky, casting its gleam through Adam’s window and tinging his furniture in a pale, ghostly shade of gray. He was tired, but his restless mind kept wandering to the what-ifs and the consequences of giving in to the temptation of sleep. Somehow, he could feel it. There was a pressure in his chest that made his limbs twitch as if they were ready to move as soon as Adam wasn’t the one in control anymore. He was slipping again, when a sound brought him back up to the surface. His head snapped into the direction the sound had come from: His door and the chair wedged underneath the doorknob. At first, Adam thought he was imagining things but there it was again: a creaking noise, as if someone from the outside tried to pry open his door. Adam slowly propped himself up on his elbows, watching in horror in the pale light as the doorknob turned again and the chair creaked under the pressure from outside. Then, the doorknob snapped back into his original position as if being released all of a sudden. Adam held his breath, intently listening for movement outside. The unexpected sound of someone stomping away loudly from his door startled him.  _Darn it._ He was caught locking himself in. Adam took a wild guess and assumed it had been Joe outside, sneakily trying  _to barge in_ and then walking off in a huff as if someone denied him his favorite toy. Adam knew Joe was up to something. Even a blind man would’ve noticed the glances and the sneaking and snooping around… oh Adam hated the snooping. He knew what Joe was doing. He was trying to  _crack the case_ . Joe always had a thing for a mystery that needed solving. Adam blamed the countless dime novels Joe read, cursing them for putting idiotic ideas into his brother’s influence-able mind. The last mystery that needed solving in Joe’s eyes was the case of ‘ _Who ate all the baked goods?’_ and resulted in Joe following trails of crumbs through the house, questioning witnesses and intently taking note of everything on the ranch  _for days,_ until the other Cartwrights had enough and Hoss admitted that it was him that had eaten all the pastries.  _What a surprise!_ For Joe, another solved mystery in his book. And now, apparently Adam was detective Joe’s top priority. Adam couldn’t really blame his younger brother. If he’d witnessed one of his brothers behaving the way he’d done the last few days, he’d put on a detective hat as well. He glanced towards the door again. The chair under the doorknob was a good solution to his moonstruck problem but it was also the weirdest behavior he could display for Joe. He needed a different solution to prevent him from being able to leave the room at night.

A few nights later and after testing different methods, he found a solution that might work. Adam stopped using the chair for locking himself in after he was sure he’d found a better way. Instead of trying to stop moonstruck-Adam from leaving the room, Adam now tried to stop himself from leaving the bed. He’d settle himself in and then used a soft white cloth binding it around his ankle and securing it at the end of his bed frame. Pulling his leg up and down, stretching the material and testing its durability, Adam smiled with satisfaction and laid down in bed. He also still wore the slim pair of shoes which prevented him from simply slipping out of his makeshift bond. With a new sense of safety, Adam was fast asleep.

 


	8. Caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Joe and Hoss try to catch Adam in the act of sneaking out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's getting more serious now. Enjoy the read!

A slight shiver run down Joe’s spine. They had worked in the heat all day wishing for a cold breeze and now, they would’ve shivered if it wasn’t for the coats they had put on. It was night, dark and cold and Joe and Hoss were nestled in a stack of hay on the hayloft of their barn. They were positioned at the window and were able to overlook the ranch house in the best way possible. They were also safe from being spotted; A searching gaze rarely goes upwards. Now, they only had to wait, like a predator waiting for its prey. This was the plan. After dinner Joe and Hoss both told their family that they wanted to hit the hay early and retired to their rooms. That earned them a suspicious glare from Adam and merely of nod of acknowledgment from their father who was glued to a warm spot at the open fire with a book in his hands. In reality, Joe and Hoss went upstairs to prepare for a night outside on watch. They both took a water canteen, a coat, a firearm for safety and a lamp with a candle they could lit if they needed to. As soon as Adam and Ben were in their rooms as well and no more sounds could be heard, Joe sneak out of the house and climbed the ladder to the hayloft where he’d agreed to meet Hoss. Joe was the first one to arrive and silently started to build a nest out of hay he and Hoss could sit in. Spotting a movement out of the corner of his eye, Joe glanced out of the window spotting Hoss scurrying over to the barn. He heard him climb the ladder as the wood creaked under his tall brother’s weight and finally saw the top of a huge beige hat appear, poking over the edge. A gentle face with searching blue eyes followed. Joe could’ve sworn they lit up as soon as they spotted him in the nest of hay and all of a sudden, Joe wasn’t that cold anymore. He loved working together with his brothers. It deepened their bond and proved to Joe in a way that he was important to them, to their plans and actions and that he wasn’t replaceable. Today, Joe and Hoss were working together for Adam.

“You beat me to it, Joe. Yer mighty fast in sneaking out. As if my little brother has experience.” Hoss whispered, a challenging smile on his lips as he carefully made his way over to Joe. Little Joe didn’t feel a need to answer that challenge and simply smiled at the gentle giant as he took a seat next to Joe on the hay. Reaching into his coat, Hoss pulled out something wrapped up in thin paper. He unfolded it revealing delicious pastries. “Ya think Hop Sing is gonna notice that they are missing?” Hoss asked, one corner of his mouth rising into a mischievous grin.

“I’m not gonna rat you out.” Joe answered playfully, earning him a pinch from Hoss. They both sat in silence, eating the pastry and sipping little mouthfuls of water while letting their gazes search the property and their minds wander. After the initial excitement had subsided, little Joe started to feel the tiredness grabbing him and pulling him under. He managed to stay awake but lost all sense of time. Hoss was tired as well but was able to get a few hours of shuteye during the day and therefore didn’t have that much of a problem with staying awake.

“I wonder what kind of woman Adam is meeting.” Joe wondered out loud all of a sudden, making Hoss jump slightly. “He must have a good reason to keep her secret from us.” Joe stifled a yawn while looking at Hoss.

“Maybe she is the most beautiful and graceful woman who has ever walked the earth and Adam needs to keep her secret from us, especially you, because he fears you'll try to court her.” Hoss suggested, challenging Joe with a smile. Joe blew his nostrils in arrogance as he fixed Hoss with a 'you-are-completely-right' look.

“Yes, he better hides her from me.” Joe laughed. “No, you know how Adam is. He needs a challenging woman, someone intelligent who can keep up with his lectures about the newest book or whatever he is reading. Maybe he finally found the perfect bookworm?” Joe added to the list of potential future sister-in-laws.

Hoss nodded in acknowledgment, seeing Joe's argument. “He also likes strong women who know how to get their hands dirty if needed, who love nature and have a sharp but loving personality...” Hoss continued to muse, a dreamy smile plastered onto his face. Joe watched him with a goofy grin on his face as well.

“Are you sure you are not describing your perfect image of a woman?” Joe snorted.

“Oh, shut it Joe!” Hoss pouted.

Silence grew between them, while waiting for something to happen... Chewing on what was presumably his fourth bun, Hoss saw movements from the front yard. Hoss leaned forward, closer to the window, startling Joe, and fixed his eyes on the dark figure that had clearly just walked out of the front door of their house. Joe, who had followed Hoss’ gaze, was also following the figures movements and couldn’t help the excited whisper from escaping his mouth.

“There he is! We caught him Ho-“ Hoss had pressed his huge hand over Joe’s mouth to keep them from being discovered. Little Joe understood and tapped the hand covering his mouth to signal his older brother that he’d be silent. They both followed the man in the yard with their eyes as he wandered off. As soon as he left the shadows, Joe and Hoss were greeted with a strange view: The normally dark-cladded man wore a white nightshirt and just like the many nights before when Adam had been caught, nothing else. In the dim moonlight, they also were able to spot Adam’s feet; He had a slim shoe, kind of like a slipper, on his right foot and the other foot was only covered by a sock. That view was unsettling. Joe and Hoss silently climbed down the ladder from the hayloft and set off to follow their older brother as he put one wobbly step in front of the other. Staying in the shadows behind him, Joe and Hoss exchanged worried glances. This is not what they had imagined Adam to look like while he sneaked out. They thought it would at least be a bit more… _professional_. They both were determined to follow Adam to the mystery lady’s hideout but soon started to doubt if Adam was out to meet a woman at all. They witnessed him stumbling over roots and stones falling down and hitting the ground painfully, only to lay there for a few seconds motionless and then slowly getting up and continuing his way. His shoulders were slumped and his arms were loosely dangling by his sides and his head was wobbling up and down, from side to side inflicted by the motion of Adam dragging his feet across the rough landscape. 

Hoss took a deep breath. “I’ve seen enough, Joe. Somethin’s not right.” Seeing a look of agreement on Joe’s face in the moonlight, they both stepped out of their hiding place.

“Adam! It’s okay, you can stop now!” Joe shouted at his still tripping brother. No reaction. Hoss raised an eyebrow and tried as well.

“Adam! We saw you leave and went after you. You shouldn’t be out here in this getup.” Adam still continued walking on his path, further away from them. With a sudden sense of deep wrongness nestling itself inside their stomachs, Joe and Hoss started running to catch up with their brother, their hearts racing and their breaths hitching in their throats. They finally caught up to Adam and stepped in front of him to block his way. What they saw left them speechless:

Adam had a bloody nose and mud on his cheek from painfully slamming into the ground, head first, earlier. His eyes were open and he was blinking to keep them wet, but they were unfocused. Joe and Hoss were right in front of him, right in his sight but Adam wasn’t seeing them. It seemed like he was seeing  _through_ them. Hoss swallowed to ease his sore throat opened his mouth to say something, but Joe beat him to it again.

“Adam, what is wrong?” Joe had a slight edge of fear and panic in his voice, making it waver slightly. “Stop it Adam, it’s not funny.” Joe was scared. And Hoss was scared as well. Scared for his brother. Adam had slowly continued to move towards Joe and Hoss and if Hoss hadn’t placed a hand over Adam’s chest to stop him, he would’ve walked right into them.

“It seems like he is looking through us, as if he is not seeing us.” Joe voiced Hoss’ earlier thought.

“I don’t think he is seeing anything right now, Joe…” Hoss said, a dark expression on his face.

“What should we do? I’ve never seen anything like this before. Do you think he is sick?” Joe asked, a tremor lacing his last few words.

“I don’t know, Joe.” Hoss was almost trembling with worry now. How could this be happening? He looked his brother up and down and realized that his limbs, no, his whole body was trembling. It was cold and he only had a thin cloth covering him. Besides the slow but still strong heartbeat, Hoss could feel the coldness of the flesh beneath the thin fabric through his hand which was still resting on Adam’s chest. “Let’s get him back home for now.” Hoss took off his large coat and put it around Adam’s shaking shoulders. He pulled it close, wrapping Adam completely in the large coat and effectively pinning his arms to his sides. Adam showed no sign of resistance, even when Hoss bent down, putting a strong arm in the hollow of Adam’s knees and the other around his brother’s shoulders, and lifting him up like a newlywed bride. Without exchanging another word, Hoss and Joe made their way back to the ranch house. Hoss glanced down at Adam’s pale face periodically. His eyes were firmly shut now and his head had tilted towards Hoss, resting against his younger brother’s chest. Little Joe was scouting the way to find the best path in the darkness and led his older brothers safely back to their home.

“Hoss, how should we handle this? Should we wake up Pa? Get Dr. Martin? What if it is a sickness?” Little Joe stumbled over his words and stared at the middle brother with wide eyes, searching for advice.

“Joe, calm down, you’ll only wake up Pa. From what we have gathered, this isn’t the first time this had happened to Adam. It’s highly possible that he is aware of the problem. He is also not that stupid. If it was a serious sickness, he probably would’ve told us the first time it happened.” Hoss whispered, trying to reason.

“Oh, I’m not sure about that, Hoss, you know how Adam can be when it comes to sickness and injury…” Little Joe countered, angrily staring at the motionless heap pressed against Hoss’ chest.

“Joe, he had his reason to keep it a secret!” Hoss hissed. Joe looked with surprise at his brother. Hoss rarely raised his voice but when he did, he had a reason as well. Scanning his face, Joe saw the tiredness and exhaustion, the worry and fear and the same asking expression Joe wore himself.

“Alright,” Joe put his hands up in defeat. “We will question him about it in the morning and see what he knows and if we can find a solution together.” Joe put his hands down again and turned to the still open front door of the house. Hoss sighed in relief and followed his younger brother through the entrance and up the stairs as quietly as possible. They sneaked back into Adam’s room and laid him down on the mattress. Pushing the cover aside, Hoss found a shoe matching the one Adam wore on the other foot and something else as well. There was a cloth fastened to the bed-frame and on the end of the soft fabric was a sling. Hoss held it up to Adam’s foot to see if it matched. It did. Joe stared down at it too, realizing it’s meaning as well.

“He tied himself to his bed.” Joe whispered, voicing both their thoughts out loud. The realization of what Adam must’ve gone through to take such measures hit them both with full force. Hoss could feel himself tearing up but wiped at his eyes quickly. Adam needed a strong brother now, not the mess he was currently letting himself turn into. Joe had busied himself with getting a cloth and wetting it in a bowl to wash the blood and mud off of Adam’s face. They agreed to stay with their brother to make sure he’d stay safe and both took a seat at his bed.

“I wish it was a mystery lady…” Joe mumbled as he slowly drifted to sleep as well.

 

 

 


	9. The Trial

The wagon slowly proceeded to follow its path over the uneven road, shaking and shuddering with every road hole, shaped by the brute force of mother nature. The passengers were tense, not letting their guard down for even a second. The men in the back of the wagon wore blue uniforms with yellow neckerchiefs neatly tied around their necks. They all felt the heavy weight of their weapons fastened to their belts and secured at their thighs. One of the guards took off his yellow glove and hat and wiped the sweat off his forehead with his bare hand. Next to him sat a man, his hands shackled and hanging down between his spread legs, pulled towards the wooden floor of the wagon by the weight of the chain. He wore a blue button up shirt, denim pants and filthy boots. He had gray hair which was slicked back and a long, gray beard which effectively hid half of his face. His brows were knitted together, and his blue, cold eyes stared lifelessly at his boots. The man seemed to be lost in thought, even a bit alien if you’d ask the tense guards. Their job was to transport the prisoner to the state jail, a job they’ve all done before; But they couldn’t help the shudder from running down their backs as they had first encountered this man. They were used to transport filthy criminals who had shot someone in a robbery attempt and didn’t have the brains to get away with it. Measly criminals like those were transported on a daily routine. The guards could all testify about the endless hours of begging and whining or even the attempts of bribery but today their prisoner was deadly quiet. Apparently, this man was wealthy and well-known and even loved and liked by his whole hometown. Out of nowhere, as if someone had pulled a trigger, he had felt the need to choke a woman to death just because he  _wanted_ to do it. On top of that, he showed no sign of regret or remorse during the trial. His deathly and calm demeanor didn’t help him convince the jury or the judge and the trial ended with the decision to lock him away. The whole trial, the whole case was a mess; 

The woman had been found dead in an alley next to a saloon by the witness who also stated he witnessed the whole murder. Unfortunately for the defendant, there were a lot of statements from various witnesses who testified they saw him making a move on the murdered woman. The defendant also couldn’t provide an alibi for the exact time the witness  had seen the murder happen. There was barely any evidence which would’ve been satisfactory for the jury and enough to put the man behind bars… until the last witness stepped forward. One Mr. Adam Cartwright. The defendant was a man with many connections and people having his back. As a store owner in Virginia City who sells clothes for a very reasonable price, he has made a name for himself. He had many friends in town, people who’d easily put their hands into the fire for him, especially the other store owners. His customers were treated like family and the wares he sold were of best quality. The name Mr. Wright had always put a smile on people’s faces. He was invited to banquets and other parties and he always knew how to make those events more memorable. If you’d ask any of Virginia City’s locals if they’d believe what the defendant was accused of, they would’ve laughed in your face. Perhaps, that would’ve been the case, if the witness wasn’t Adam Cartwright. The Cartwright family owns the biggest land in Nevada and is responsible for many pleasantries and heroic stories. They are loved by their workers and friends and liked by not only the people of Virginia City but also of other cities around. Most importantly, they were respected for their hard work and known for not to be messed with.

Adam was called into the witness stand. He calmly sat down and waited for the questions.

“Mr. Cartwright, could you please elucidate what exactly it was you saw on the day the murder happened?” The judge asked. Adam once looked at the judge in acknowledgment before turning to the jury recounting the events of that day:

“It was late in the afternoon. I was in town for some tasks I’ve been sent to deal with and was just about to finish my chores when I heard someone scream from out of the alley. I was immediately on alert and went to see if anyone needed my help.” Some members of the jury nodded their head in understanding. The Cartwrights were also widely known for their honor and for their willingness to help anyone at any time. Adam continued. “As I stepped closer to the alley, I saw two people, a man and a woman in, what I assumed at first, indecent positions.” At that, Adam couldn’t help lowering his gaze. “I was about to turn away when I heard an alarming sound again: Upon closer inspection, I realized the man was choking the woman. It all happened so fast and I was in shock from the pure brutality. The scene is still burned-in inside my head and it flashes before me when I close my eyes.” The jury members had equally shocked expressions on their faces.

“What happened next Mr. Cartwright?” The judge asked, bringing Adam back from his reverie.

“I quickly turned to look for help. I shouted as loud as I could, but the streets were deserted, and my voice couldn’t be heard over the noise emanating from the saloon next to me. I looked back at the alley and I was determined to go after the murderer myself when I saw that he had turned to look at me as well…” Adam took a break, his words lingering in the air. The room was deadly quiet, all the attention on Adam, waiting for him to continue. Meanwhile, Adam’s gaze was hefted to the defendant’s face, Mr. Wright, who appeared to be calmly seated across from the witness stand. But Adam could see the storm brewing in his icy cold eyes, could see the anger and hatred and the silent but deadly threat. Adam swallowed to ease his suddenly dry throat. 

“And was it the defendant, Mr. Sherman Wright, who was looking at you at that moment?” The judge pressed for Adam to continue his statement. Adam played the scene over and over in his head. The moment the murderer had turned to him, his face was covered by the shadow of the building next to him, created by the setting sun gleaming its light upon the sleepy town. No matter how hard Adam tried to remember or how often he replayed the scene in his head, there was not one moment where Adam could clearly see the perpetrator’s face and recognize Mr. Wright from his appearance alone. Mr. Wright having the most average body proportions wasn’t exactly helpful as well. The only thing what had Adam convinced that it was Mr. Wright who had committed this gruesome act, was the fact Adam had witnessed the murderer perform the act of looking at a familiar watch out of habit only to realize while putting it away that he hadn’t actually taken note of the time and therefore having to look at the watch again. It has happened to many people before, even to Adam himself but there was one person in town who was known for doing that, and that was Mr. Wright. The kids even made it a game to go up to the friendly man and ask for the time to see if he would need more than one look at his golden pocket watch until he was able to tell.

Now, Adam sat in the witness stand and knew, he  _knew_ that if he told that to the judge and jury, that the only thing he could state about the man was that he had looked at a pocket watch, was not enough to put the man behind bars. Adam’s gaze wandered to Wright’s face once again. He could see the hatred in the man’s angled and sharp features and what was even more disturbing: There was a sparkle of hope in his eyes inflicted by Adam’s hesitation. So, Adam did what was right in his eyes.

“Yes, I recognized Mr. Sherman Wright, the defendant, as the murderer.” It was the truth, yes, he recognized him. Adam stated that sentence with as much conviction as he could muster and quickly continued his statement. “I tried to go after him by myself, but I lost him. I then went to check on the victim to see if she was still alive, but unfortunately, she couldn’t be saved. I went ahead to notify Dr. Martin and Sheriff Roy Coffee and told them about what I witnessed and who I saw running away from the alley.” Adam finished his statement and took a moment to calm his rapidly beating heart down. The room was in turmoil; There were friends and family of Adam, the victim and the defendant Mr. Wright in the audience. The three parties had started to insult each other, even standing up in the process, clenching their fists and teeth and barking at one another. Wright's friends send glares sharp like daggers at Adam while shouting, calling him a filthy liar. Wright's family members -cousins, if Adam recognized them correctly- openly threatened him and spat in his direction. The judge was furiously banging his hammer onto the table asking for silence with all the might of his authority. The guards in the room were ready to interfere if anyone decided to get physical. After a few exhausting seconds, the room was quiet again but seething and the judge and jury came to the conclusion that the witness’s statement accompanied by the clues they were able to gather was enough to sentence the man to prison. The hammer went down with determination and the sound lingered in the air for what felt like an eternity. The rest of the day passed Adam by as if he was in trance; The fact that he provided the statement that was going to send a man to prison was already hard to swallow… Adam felt filthy… He had altered his statement to make sure that Wright was going to jail. What if it was a mistake and it had not been Wright who killed that poor woman? Adam accompanied by his father and brothers left the court only to be shouted at and spat on by familiar faces. Those were the people Adam knew and was friends with, but it was all too clear that they had picked a side. Adam also couldn’t help but feel guilty and feel like that he deserved their hatred. _Their actions are justified,_ Adam thought to himself, his heart pumping blood through his body at the speed of lightning, _I am a liar._ His family did their best to guard him off from the assaults while going through town back to the Ponderosa. They assured him that he did the right thing and that the people of Virginia City will calm down eventually, but Adam wasn’t so sure about that. 

From there on, Sherman Wright was imprisoned in a local cell waiting to be transported. His friends and family supported him by protesting on the street, screaming for justice and deploring the injustice that had taken place. They were so loud that Wright was able to hear them, and Sheriff Roy Coffee had to dissolve the crowd more than once to be able to prevent further riots.

The day of the transportation came, and Wright was shackled and stashed away on a wagon surrounded by soldiers who stood guard over him and was finally on his way to prison. The sun burned down on their heads as they bobbed up and down in the rhythm of the wagon's steady advance through the deserted land. The soldiers who guarded Wright were soaked, having to endure the heat in their loved uniform. The silence sat heavy on their shoulders but when Wright suddenly started to hum an unknown melody which, despite the heat, send shivers down their spines, they wished for the silence to return. The melody followed no pattern, it was unique, wild, rough and dripping with pride and pain. Then the notes shifted ever so slightly... a little more and a little more until a deep, rotten gurgle emanating from Wright's throat was the only sound filling the air. And then:  _Silence._

The guards almost jumped in the air when Wright's voice suddenly ringed in their ears. All eyes snapped towards their prisoner, the tension in the air so thick, you would've been able to cut it with a knife.

“No one was supposed to find out.” Wright said, his piercing blue eyes fixed on the face of one guard, his voice barely above a whisper. He moved forward, inching his way towards the guard whose face started to contort under Wrights disturbing glare. “IT WAS _MY_ SECRET” Wright suddenly roared, little drops of spit landing everywhere. The guards, alarmed at the man's behavior, had all drawn their weapon now. Only the young guard which was still pierced by Wright's gaze was frozen in place, pure fear visible in his wide eyes.

“Don't move! This is the last warning. If you don't behave we have no problem to use drastic methods to assure your cooperation!” One of the older soldiers said to the shackled man. Wright spun around in his seat, releasing the young guard's eyes and looked at the soldier who addressed him. He tilted his head and started to talk again.

“It was perfect. It was simple, smooth, trouble-free. It was my paradise. _My_ own Paradise.” His head spun around to look at the young guard once again. “But the one I chose rejected me! _ME!_ She had no right to do that. No one does.” He slowly lowered his crazed gaze and started to play with the chain attached to his wrists. Then his frame started shaking and the low hum of laughter soon filled the air. “Then this... this _imbecile_ comes along! It's his fault that I lost her, yes yes... his fault alone. I saw it in his eyes, the way he looked at me. The look of smugness when he lied to all those people! He won't get away with that.” Wright repeated those last words while shaking his head over and over again. The guards were all lost for words, all disturbed by the scene they just had witnessed and what they had heard. The young guard, whose wide eyes stuck to the man teetering up and down before him had drawn his weapon now as well. He pointed it at Wright with shaking hands. The way their prisoner had looked at him earlier had shocked him deeply to the extend of unprofessional panic. A few heartbeats with shaking hands and Wright's low murmur later and the greenhorn guard couldn't take it any longer.

“Sh-shut up!” He said, a tremble lacing his words while pointing the gun at the man's head. Said man looked at him again and started to laugh in the young guards face. The laughter sounded more like a roaring beast and made all the guards get ready to intervene. “I said SHUT UP!” The young guard screamed, standing up and putting his gun directly to the prisoner's head. The other guards tried to advance towards the hostile scene in front of them but quickly assessed, that their young comrade was clearly in distress and shouldn't be spooked if they wanted to arrive at the prison with their prisoner still alive.

“Clampton... calm yourself. Don't you see that he got to you? You have to stay focused! Put the weapon down.” The older Soldier, the voice of reason, spoke softly to the young soldier, Clampton, trying to calm him down. Clampton, still pointing the shaking gun to Wright's head looked at his comrades from out of the corner of his eye. With the guards' attention focused on Clampton, they didn't even notice that their prisoner had stopped laughing, that his eyes turned calm and deadly and certainly not that he was _waiting_. The time had come.

With a fluid movement, he was out of Clampton's shooting range and on his feet. He grabbed the young soldier's wrist, painfully twisting the hand which was holding the weapon towards the nearest soldier and snaking his hand around Clampton's hand clutching the weapon, he bend his finger and pulled the trigger, shooting the soldier to his immediate right in between the eyes. The shot spooked the horses who immediately increased their speed and blindly careered through the wilderness. The next shot that rang out was aimed towards Wright but hit Clampton, who Wright had pulled in front of him to use him as a shield, directly in the chest. The soldier, whose gun was still smoking, looked at the light fading from Clampton's wide, fearful eyes with horror. The next thing the passengers of the wagon knew, was that their world tilted and then spun when their wagon crashed. The sound of wood  _and limbs_ breaking, pain-laced gasps and screams, even a neigh filled with agony echoed through the sky. 

The older soldier opened his eyes, noting that the sun was not as high as it used to be a few seconds ago. A mix of dirt and blood assaulted his tongue and made him cough. There was a high pitched sound in his ear shutting out all other sounds around him. Shaking his head, he tried to clear his vision and hearing to be able to assess the situation.

_P-taff._

There was a sound nearby, the soldier was sure of it. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't clearly make it out. It felt like his head was underwater...

_P-taff._

This time, it sounded nearer and clearer at that as well. The soldier tried to twist his crippled body from his position, face down in the mud, towards the sound, but breathing alone used up all the power he had left. Suddenly, there were feet walking into the frame of his vision. Filthy boots, speckled with dirt and... and blood? Using all the strength he could muster, the wise soldier averted his eyes upwards until they rested on a man's face, blue and wide eyes piercing into his very soul and a smile reaching from one to the other ear plastered onto his bloody face. In his hand he held a revolver pointed directly at the wise soldiers face. He peeled his gaze from the crazy eyes in front of him and looked right into the barrel of the gun, loosing all hope with a final breath.

“And the last one.” _P-taff._

 


	10. Awakening

Something felt wrong. In the mist of a dream, a dark figure emerged and grinned at Adam. It was a messenger, a sign… a ghost.  _Liar._

Adam woke with a start and a slight gasp. His wide eyes stared at the opposite wall, unfocused, trying to get accustomed to his surroundings. He was in his room, Adam realized. He felt deep relief and closed his eyes for a brief moment. He was safe, everything was fine. He didn’t wander around last night.

“Adam?” A deep voice brought him back to reality. The voice sounded like a concerned, younger brother, but it felt like a predator’s paw, clawing at Adam’s lungs. Realizing Adam wasn’t alone in his room made him open his eyes in shock and look around until his gaze landed on Hoss and Joe who both kneeled beside his bed and stared at him in anticipation. They had a similar expression of shock on their faces as if they were expecting Adam to get up and jump out of the window at any moment.

_Oh._ Adam suddenly realized that they knew. He looked at Joe's face and saw him gaping like a fish, speechless for once in a lifetime. His young eyes seemed like they got their innocent gleam back; It reminded Adam of a time when little Joe truly was little Joe and had looked up at him with that same expression, searching for advise, for someone to tell him that everything would be alright in the end. Next, Adam's gaze fell onto Hoss' face; his younger brother wore a worried expression. Adam also saw strong determination glinting in his younger brother's normally gentle eyes. They must have seen him, or even worse: brought him back from one of his moonstruck escapades through nature. Checking his body by slightly moving revealed new painful areas Adam had no recollection of. There was no way out of this now. Instead of finding an excuse, he took a deep breath, turned to face his brothers and looked them deep in the eyes. Their expressions softened after they recognized their strong, older brother in the man sitting before them. Feeling it was a matter of now or never Adam addressed them.

“What do you want to know?” That was the signal both Hoss and Joe had been waiting for and they both started throwing questions at Adam. The chaos continued until Adam rose his hand, signaling for them to quiet down.

“Calm down, please. I can’t understand a word you are saying if you both ramble like that at the same time. Hoss, please go first.” Hoss took a moment to brace himself before talking.

“We followed you from the house for a short time to investigate why you sneaked out at night until we realized you were actin kinda strange; you kept trippin and hurtin yourself. We ran up to you to stop ya but you was kinda out of it Adam. We was scared for ya.” Adam nodded at them. He couldn’t help but be curious; He only knew about it in theory but hearing about it from someone was… Breathtaking. His theory was just confirmed.

“How did I look? I mean, how was I acting? Did I react to words, voices? Touch? Did I resist?” Adam’s eyes jumped from Hoss’ to Joe’s face, waiting for an answer, but they just glanced at one another.

“Adam, we’ve never seen anything like this before, not to mention it being our own brother behaving like that. You have to do a little more explanin' first so we can tune down the panic a bit first.” Hoss tried to convince Adam.

“I’m sorry, you are right.” Adam slightly turned his battered body towards his nervous brothers to be able to face them correctly while telling his story. “The truth is, it’s a… condition. As far as I know, it’s not deadly.” Joe and Hoss slowly nodded at Adam, a serious expression on their faces. Adam’s cheeks turned a slight shade of red. “It’s also something that’s usually experienced by… children.” Hoss looked surprised at that while Joe’s face was a picture of both confusion and the try to hold back laughter. Adam took their silence as an indication to continue.

“A month or so ago, I woke up in the middle of nowhere with no recollection of how I got there. I was in my night getup and I had seriously hurt my feet walking a long distance barefoot.”

“That’s why you wear those shoes to bed!” Joe exclaimed, the penny visibly dropping in his head. Adam fixed Joe with his eyes for a moment to silently tell him to keep it down before he picked his story back up.

“After the next time I walked out of the house in my sleep, I remembered a case from a friend of mine in Boston; A small boy who displayed the same symptoms as I do. He died because he fell down the stairs while being asleep.” Adam made a small pause to let all the information sink in. “I realized that I was in danger as well, that’s why I first locked myself in my room, and then after I realized Joe found out-“ He glanced at his youngest brother. “-I tried to tie myself up before going to bed.”

“But what is this sickness? Why do you go out while being asleep?! It can’t just happen, can it? It’s not normal, there should at least be a reason!” Joe blurted out, working himself up while doing so. Adam pressed a finger to his lips reminding him that their father was probably still asleep next door.

“As you saw, it’s like being in trance. It’s like sleeping but instead of lying in bed, I take a walk. Dr. Robertson, said friend of mine in Boston, believed that the moon is the reason for people leaving their beds while still being asleep.” At that, Hoss chimed in.

“You mean, the moon tells you to take a walkin?” He had a frown on his face, being upset with the situation.

“I wouldn’t say it like that… Besides, those are old beliefs, this phenomenon still couldn’t be explained. I think it’s just human’s nature and instinct to seek out light in the darkness and follow it and not some kind of moonstruck state.” Saying that word out loud felt weird to Adam. Unfortunately, Joe picked up on it.

“Moonstruck… You know, Adam, you looked like you were in trance last night.” He looked concerned at his older brother, not daring to take his eyes off of him.

“You two don’t need to worry about me. It’s not something we can do anything about. There is no cure… But there are reported cases of the illness disappearing on its own.” Hoss and Joe looked slightly relieved about that announcement, but the uneasiness stayed with them.

“What should we do about this then? Should we tell Pa?” Joe asked his older brothers. Adam spoke first.

“The reason why I kept it a secret was because I wanted to avoid Pa being worried and to avoid rumors in town and on the ranch. You know how people think about me after the trial… What do you think will happen as soon as they think I’m some kind of lunatic that gets coaxed out of bed by the moon? They will question my sanity! And the worst case would be that a murderer could be set free. So, I kept quiet about it. I hoped for the illness to disappear before anyone found out in the first place.” Adam finished, took another heavy breath and looked at his brothers to wait for their reaction. They looked doubtful and worried. Adam feared that they might go behind his back and tell Pa anyways. He needed to keep them quiet. Knowing his brothers, there was only one way to achieve that.

“But you know, now that you two know about it I kind of feel relieved. It was such a burden to keep this a secret and I couldn’t deal with this all on my own.” At that, Joe and Hoss pricked their ears. Adam allowed himself to form a little smile of satisfaction on his lips but hid it quickly. Instead, he put on a tortured expression for Joe and Hoss to see.

“I couldn’t properly keep myself from walking out of the house at night and I kept injuring myself. Once, I woke up standing near the bone-crusher ledge.” Little Joe escaped a small gasp as the unspoken tale of Adam falling to his death while being asleep and in trance played out in his imaginative mind. Hoss looked like he understood as well, the concern written all over his face.

“But now, I can rely on you that you'll help me!” Adam concluded. He could see how his brothers’ expressions changed from confusion, to understanding, to pride. That was what Adam counted on. He was usually so reserved, never asking for help that it was impossible to turn it down once he actually did. Adam was still their older brother and in many ways, their role model. They respected and loved him but even though he was their brother, they weren’t immune to the air of authority around him. So, Adam asking them for help, showing that he was relying on them, made them feel proud and honored. Hoss’ smile faltered as he realized that they couldn’t disappoint their brother now. They needed to keep it as secret… Together.

“So, we are in this together now?” Hoss voiced his thoughts out loud. Adam fixed his brother with a serious expression as he nodded in agreement.

“Every night, every time I fall asleep, I could start to sleepwalk again, risking injuring myself or being found by someone other than you two. We need to prevent that from happening.” Adam said.

“We could tie you up before you go to bed, you know… make it a stronger bond, more difficult to slip out of.” Hoss suggests first.

“I could keep my door open a bit. If you happen to leave your bed, I might be able to hear you and prevent you from leaving.” Joe suggests cautiously, his face lighting up as soon as Adam gave him a nod and a little smile of approval. The plan was made; The goal was to keep Adam’s secret and to prevent him from hurting himself. They stood, shared one last brotherly look at each other and split up to get ready for breakfast and for facing their father.

 


	11. Count on us

Adam sat hunched over in an armchair in the living area of their house, occupying the spot at the fire to read but instead, the book laid disregarded on the table close by. Adam pressed the heels of his palms into the sockets of his eyes, deep in thought, contemplating if it had been such a wise decision to make his brothers 'help' him. It had been over a week since they had found out about his condition. At first, Adam greeted the idea of having Joe and Hoss to look out for him with childlike enthusiasm. He had felt like they were children again, conspiring behind Pa's back, planning the perfect fishing trip they bravely planned on going on alone... He sighed heavily and straightened his back, sitting back in the armchair, resting his head on the backrest and closing his eyes for a brief second to give his tired mind the chance to recover. He sat there for quite a while, just enjoying the silence. It was a rainy day and with their main tasks already sorted out, Ben told them to stay in and get some peace and quiet. The concerned look which Ben send Adam's way never reached his oldest son though, but Adam welcomed the concept of staying in and relaxing wholeheartedly.

“Adam! Are you asleep?” slowly opening his eyes, he stared at a crouching Joe who had sneaked up on him. His youngest brother looked around nervously, clenching and unclenching his fists until his wavering gaze stopped on Adam's open and staring eyes. Joe let out a relieved breath and allowed himself to slowly rise from his obvious hiding spot.

“Thank god, I thought you were asleep...” Joe muttered, more to himself than to Adam but Nonetheless, Adam felt the need to respond.

“I was merely resting my eyes, little Joe.” Adam realized it was kind of difficult to talk through gritted teeth.

Oblivious to Adam's teeth grinding, Joe stuck out his chest and smiled at his older brother. “Don't worry Adam, we are looking out for you, you can count on us.” Apparently, Joe was on Adam-watching-duty today. For over a week, Joe and Hoss had been dancing around Adam, taking note of every step he made and fussing over him in the most annoying and persistent way possible. They took way too much liking to their self-declared duty and to the role of being the protective brother for a change. They worked in shifts for a day each to watch over Adam. He had told them that it was not necessary to fuss over him to that extend and that it was only dangerous when he fell asleep... He had told them that their behavior was more suspicious than usual and that that was not part of the whole 'keeping it a secret' idea but they simply waved him off, telling him that they were going to operate discreet. _Yeah, as discreet as a mountain lion cub crying for its mother._

One time, he woke up in the middle of the night, feeling the need to relieve himself only to remember that Hoss had insisted on tying him up quite tightly before they all went to bed, making it impossible for Adam to free himself on his own. Bound to his own bed, Adam started banging his bed-frame against the wall by bouncing up and down, hoping either Joe or Hoss would be alerted by the noise and release him from his bounds and also praying to god that Ben wouldn't hear him and question the obscene sounds coming from his oldest son's room.

After that experience, they refrained from binding his hands, trusting that moonstruck-Adam, or as Joe had started to refer to his alter ego, _Madam (_ A mixture of moon and Adam, _well thanks Joe)_ wouldn't be able to untie the bounds which on the contrary, Awake-Adam (or simply Adam) was.

So Adam was grateful to be able to untie himself when he woke up one night, being incredibly thirsty. Looking at the nightstand beside him revealed an empty glass. Sighing and bending down to untie his feet, Adam swung his feet out of his bed and left his room to get something to drink from the kitchen. Glass in one hand, he opened his door as quietly as possible and proceeded to go just as quietly towards the staircase when he heard a squeaking door behind him being shoved open and an exclamation around the lines of ' _Stop right there Madam!'_ as he was tackled to the floor from behind, his limbs being entangled with Joe's as they struggled and he tried to free himself from his little brother. The ruckus in the middle of the night resulted in both Hoss and Ben soon joining them in the hallway trying to get them both entangled and to their feet. Joe had a panicked expression on his face when he realized that their father might have caught them in the act of trying to keep Adam's secret and therefore, failed doing so. Adam caught sight of Joe's wide eyes staring at his father and was suddenly overwhelmed by the need to protect his clumsy, stupid brother. There was a tiny voice whispering in his mind that he should return the favor.

“Thanks for unknotting me from little Joe, Pa. I was almost afraid that I might have to stay a tangled mess of limbs.” Adam said, the hint of a calm smile playing around his lips. He could rather feel than see Joe looking at him and relaxing at his side.

“What on earth happened here?” Ben asked in a stern voice.

Joe had apparently found his voice again as he eagerly explained the mishap to their father. “It was my fault, I went to go to the kitchen to get something to drink when I ran into Adam.”

Adam was quick to raise the glass he still clutched in one hand. “Same here. I just wanted to go to the kitchen to get something to drink.” He couldn't stop himself from sending an accusing glare at Joe while saying that. Both Joe and Hoss eyed the glass Adam held in one hand, understanding dawning in both their expressions. Joe guiltily looked at his feet, which nervously tapped the ground in an unknown rhythm as he suggested to get something for Adam to drink as well _since he already was on his way to the kitchen anyway_. Adam smiled at little Joe and handed him his glass. Ben watched his youngest son retreat to the kitchen, a bushy eyebrow raised in astonishment. It was not often that he saw Joe doing something for Adam so eagerly. _He must finally be growing up_ Ben thought, a fond smile curling his lips upwards, as he turned to walk back to his room, the incident in the hallway almost forgotten already.

Hoss closed the distance between himself and Adam as he lowered both his gaze and voice before addressing his older brother. “You didn't-”

“No I didn't, don't worry. I just went to get something to drink.” Adam stared in the direction Joe had disappeared to earlier, a soft laugh leaving him as he pondered out loud. “I don't know if I should be mad at him for tackling me to the ground or proud of him that he not only keeps his promise of watching over me but that he also is so passionate about it.”

“It makes 'm proud to be of help to ya, Adam.” Hoss said.

Adam nodded slowly, watching as little Joe came stumbling up the stairs, balancing a full glass of water while spilling half the content over the floor. At that point, Adam was still not sure if it was such a good idea to include his brothers in his plan of keeping his condition a secret, especially since they tempted to overdo it and Adam, with being annoyed rather quickly and all that, simply had no nerves of dealing with that on top of his other problems. He soon learned how wise it was to have Hoss and Joe on his side though.

~

Eyes. Eyes everywhere. Hatred, pain, and fear dripped from them. He could also sense love and loyalty and they all spoke of untold tales of suffering, of happiness of betrayal and the will to fight for for him, no matter what it meant they were sacrificing. Adam was used to emotions like these, both experiencing them himself or of them being directed at him but something about the current situation was so utterly wrong, it had Adam's stomach twisting in painful waves.

“Yes, I recognized Mr. Cartwright, the defendant, as the murderer.” Adam ripped his gaze from the eyes surrounding him and turned into the direction that sentence had come from. Chocolate, brown eyes, tan skin and raven hair stared down at him from the _witness stand._ As if looking into a mirror, Adam saw himself staring back at him.

“What...?” Adam was rendered speechless.

“You murderer! How could you have done that to our daughter!”

“You should be executed right now!”

“He didn't do it! I don't believe a word that crook is saying.”

“He would never harm anyone! I'd trust this man with my life!”

“Silence!” The judge hammered furiously, trying to get the room to calm down. Adam took the ruckus as an opportunity to turn and look around. He was in the court room, sitting in the place of the defendant and apparently, he was tried for murder.

“No!” Adam gasped. How was this possible? He didn't do it. _But you did something, didn't you?_ A deep voice in the corner of his mind asked. It sounded suspiciously identical to his own voice. Yes. He stared up at the witness stand again, looking straight into his own face, brown eyes gleaming down at him and his own facial features being corrupted as the imposter's face contorted into a vicious snarl, followed by silent words being formed on his lips: _Liar._

~

“-dam, we got you Madam, don't worry.” Adam was confused. Did he miss out on a female visitor coming to the Ponderosa? No it couldn't be that, Adam would've known about it. Then who was the voice... Joe? _Yes little Joe -_ who was little Joe addressing? And why was he in his room? Adam tested his throat by emitting a low groan. He suddenly stopped moving. _He had been moving? -_ And the grip on his shoulders and under his knees tightened.

“Adam? Can you hear us?” That was Hoss.

“Adam?!” That was an overly-dramatic little Joe.

Adam opened his eyes and found himself being propped against Hoss' chest who currently held him in both his arms. His younger brother looked at him with concern in his eyes as Adam begun to struggle immediately against being held in such a way.

“I'm awake, I'm awake, you can put me down.” Adam sputtered, his voice cracking ever so slightly. As Hoss put him down, Adam stared at his feet, waiting for the pinkish flush to leave his face before he dared to look his brothers in the eyes. They hovered near him, giving him the time and space he needed, but they were ready to act if Adam requested assistance.

“What happened?” Adam asked Hoss and Joe.

“I heard the front door closing and immediately checked on you but you were gone.” Joe chided in. “Adam, what about the bonds? Why were you able to leave your bed in the first place?” Joe huffed, crossing his arms in front of a puffed out chest. Adam looked at his little brother in surprise, not being used to the authority radiating off of Joe. _Was he being lectured by his younger brother?_

“I might have forgotten to retie my legs after I left the bed earlier this night...” Adam confessed, feeling a bit guilty but tried not to show it.

“Adam, Ya shouldn't underestimate ye condition. Imagine if little Joe didn't hear you leave the house.” Hoss said in a low voice, his eyes gleaming with both concern and relief.

Adam turned to little Joe and slowly started nodding. “Yes, you are right, Hoss.” Adam said, while still looking at Joe, whose eyes darted around, not being comfortable with being looked at like that. “I shouldn't underestimate it. And especially... I shouldn't give you more reason to worry about me than necessary. I'm sorry, Joe, Hoss... And thank you both for catching me.” Adam smiled at his brothers and before things started to become too emotional for Adam's liking, he turned towards home and started walking. The sudden pain he felt crawling up one leg and the hiss escaping his mouth made him stop and his brothers appear right by his side.

“Ya should move carefully. We got to you before you could throw yourself off a cliff but not before you tripped and fell.” Hoss knelt down to prod at a bloody gash on Adam's shin. Adam jumped away from the pain and muttered under his breath in annoyance.

“Come on Adam, let's go home and have a look at that.” Joe had already picked up his pace to scout the way ahead and only stopped to turn and look at both Adam and Hoss making their way home as well. Hoss had held out a hand, an offer to help Adam but Adam refused, still embarrassed about the whole situation and how vulnerable he felt in front of Hoss and Joe. Still, the feeling of being able to have someone to rely on, someone to talk to and to get help from outweigh all those unpleasant feelings in the end. Adam would never admit it to Joe and Hoss openly, but right there and then, besides the trial and townsfolk crawling in the back of his head, besides the pain and ache he felt and despite the condition Adam had to face every time he dared to close his eyes for the night... despite all that, he looked at his brothers and was happy.

 


	12. Night for blood

“Nightmares!” Joe exclaimed all of a sudden, making Hoss and Adam flinch and staring at their younger brother. They were seated around a campfire, huddled close to the flames, which lulled them and their near surroundings in a warm orange veil and spared them from the night's dark shadows. They each held a cup of hot coffee in their hands, letting the dark liquid warm them from the inside. They had just finished eating their meal of beans and dried beef when Joe's voice sliced through the silence.

“What?” Hoss asked as soon as he found his voice again.

“Yes it makes sense! The first time... You mentioned them the first time as well! And it happened again! Yes, you told us!” Joe was ecstatic, nodding to himself while staring at the fire, playing out scenarios in his head which only made sense to him.

“Joe... What are you talking about?” Adam asked hesitantly, sending a glance up at the half-moon dancing in the sky, afraid his brother was suddenly affected as well. Adam's gaze lingered a lot longer on the moon in the sky, a ghost, a shapeshifter, looking down on them, taunting him. He wasn't comfortable to be outside at night. In his family's line of work, it was not a rarity that they needed to spend a night away from home. Adam _grew up_ on the road. His whole childhood had been a long camping trip, so on more than one occasion, while sitting around a campfire at night with either his family or hands from the ranch, Adam had oddly enough felt like being home. But right now, Adam felt so vulnerable and exposed. He couldn't even trust himself to stay out of harms way. _Damn it_. Adam was getting sick of this. He was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. He lowered his head to look at his brothers again, their facial features shadowed by the light dancing across their bodies. He didn't even notice the smile invading his face, rivaling the fire in lighting up their little camp.

His thoughts drifted to the early morning, when Adam got ready to saddle Sport. He had been given the task to make a trip north-west to Reno to see to the next timber contract being done and dusted. The trip was of major importance to the Ponderosa and Adam hoped he'd get the task done in one go without any interruptions. Nevertheless, Adam was nervous to leave the Ponderosa in his current condition. He sighed while adjusting the saddle on Sport to make sure its position wouldn't aggravate his trip when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Turning around sharply revealed two brothers smiling at him. Adam looked them up and down, taking in their traveling gear and bags packed with provisions for a day's journey. Adam's jaw drooped slightly as he watched them maneuvering over to saddle their own horses.

“Today,” Joe announced over his shoulder while patting Cochise's neck affectionately, “- we both are on Adam-watching-duty.”

“Pa allowed this?” Adam asked incredulously.

“Come on, big brother, you know no one can resist my charm.” Joe said, his eyebrows raised and a smug grin shaping his pink lips into the form of a heart.

“Ah, so that's what ya call begging on ya knees nowadays, little brother?” Hoss chuckled, the low rumble making his chest bounce. Adam joined in, the pouty expression presented on Joe's face too much of a temptation to not being laughed over.

With a three hour ride to Reno and back from Reno to the Ponderosa, Adam had hoped to be back in the safety of his room for the night, but as the negotiations wore on and on and the trip back had taken longer than they expected due to unforeseen hindrances, the three brothers soon found themselves riding in darkness. To spare their horses the risk of tripping, they all decided to set up camp and continue on in the morning. They had been enjoying themselves, eating and sitting in comfortable silence and each brother engaged with their own thoughts when little Joe's voice brought them back to the surface.

“Which nightmares are you talking about?” Hoss asked when Joe didn't answer Adam's question. Joe finally looked up from the fire appearing slightly surprised as if he'd forgotten that he wasn't alone. He then hefted his look on Adam who was still glancing at his little brother suspiciously.

“The first time Hoss and I realized something was wrong with you was when you came back after dawn in your nightshirt that one day. You said back then that you took a walk because you had a nightmare and needed some air. Was that true? Did you have a nightmare, Adam?” Before Adam could open his mouth to answer, Joe was already talking again. “Then, the first time we found you and brought you back and waited for you to wake up, you woke up while being in distress, gasping and sweating. You had a nightmare then as well, didn't you?”

“Joe-”

“Whatever troubles you in your dreams might also be responsible for your condition.” Joe finished. Hoss looked at Joe before turning to Adam, watching his face intently, raising one eyebrow while waiting for Adam's reaction. Said man turned his head away from his brothers to avoid their searching gazes. He was really upset all of a sudden, not quite knowing why. Joe and Hoss had known about his condition, his vulnerability for days now. They had helped him as if he was a damsel in distress, holding his hand and guiding him home. But even though he was embarrassed beyond belief and annoyed by them fussing over him, he would never be angry with them. Then why was he suddenly experiencing all that anger boiling over deep within him.

“I don't have stupid nightmares!” Adam snapped at them. He flinched on the inside at the look of hurt on little Joe's face. He cleared his throat and adjusted his voice before talking again.

“Alright, I might have a few unpleasant dreams from time to time but it's not said that they make me walk in my sleep.” Adam defended himself.

“So you do have nightmares. Adam... It could be possible that they affect your mind in a way which makes you turn into Madam from time to time!” Joe argued. “Remember old McLarry? He was so troubled by his dreams that he refused to go to sleep. He ended up loosing his mind. Dr. Martin had to sedate him to give his body the chance to recover. We even met him in town once being asleep while leaning against the wall of the general store.” Joe was upset now as well. “Don't be so stubborn and tell us about your dreams. We can fix this together.”

“I don't need fixing!” Adam shouted. The look of surprise on his little brothers' face was probably mirrored on his own. _Was that his problem?_ The fact, that he was somehow broken?

He had had nightmares before as a child. How was having them now any different? It's not like he wanted to have nightmares. It's not like he wanted to be assaulted by his own mind every time he tried to escape his conscious through sleep. And he certainly didn't need to have a dream-talk therapy sitting with his brothers, those kinds he did with them when they were five years old and woke up crying in the middle of the night. Adam's pride hurt enough already. His anger had dissipated, though... He realized it had not been directed at his brothers, but rather at himself because his mind was weak, his conscious heavy with guilt and he was afraid. Afraid, that if he told his brothers about the dreams, he would have to tell them the whole truth about what was upsetting him for weeks now. He would have to tell them that he had... During the trial... What he had done. They would be disappointed in him. Adam knew that he couldn't take that. What if they would think Wright was innocent as well? Just like all the people in Virginia city? Adam's stomach twisted at the thought of Hoss and Joe becoming one with the faceless mass of people, calling him a liar. He swallowed painfully.

“Alright, ya don't need fixin'... But ya know, Joe and I are here for ya if ye want to tell us about what's been botherin' ye enough to have these dreams.” Hoss spoke softly, sensing that now was not the time to push Adam.

“I know you two just want to help me and I'm thankful for that.” Adam sighed, turning away from them to adjust his weather-beaten blanket. “I'll tell you about my dreams, at least what I remember about them, but not now... I'm tired, we should go to sleep. We have still a few miles in the saddle ahead of us.” Adam yawned halfway through the sentence, dismissing the topic effectively. He really was tired, but Joe's words had shaken him up more than he would admit. A person's mind was a powerful thing. Was his guilt-ridden conscious and the resulting nightmares responsible for rendering him into a senseless, walking mess at night? And if so, how was Adam going to counter that? It's not like he could turn back time and say the truth during the trial. Even if he could, would it change anything, or would his conscious simply adjust and trouble him for letting a potential murder roam free when he could've prevented that from happening by telling a simple, _little lie_? Adam huffed in frustration and was none the wiser. Suddenly, Hoss was standing next to him, a rope in his hand, bending down and trying to grab Adam's feet.

“What are you doing?” Adam asked Hoss wide-eyed.

“I want to tie you down..?” Hoss answered, the last words in a higher pitch, suddenly unsure of his own action.

“No, you can't! I need to be able to get to safety fast enough if an outlaw stumbles over us and decides to rob us. Not out here.” Adam was already feeling like the darkness wanted to swallow him. He was vulnerable while being asleep, yes, but being vulnerable while being awake as well because he was tied up? No.

“Alright. I leave you be. Joe and I are going to watch ya in shifts, ain't that right Joe?”

“Yeah, sure.” Joe answered, clearly annoyed with Adam's stubbornness.

Hoss and Joe decided to pick four hours each watching Adam: Joe the first shift, and Hoss the second. Adam's breathing had already turned even, telling them that their older brother was fast asleep already.

“Joe, don't be angry at him. This whole thing's hard on him. We'll talk to 'im in the mornin', when he calmed down a notch.” Hoss said to Joe, smiling softly while his eyes wandered to his sleeping brother.

“Yeah, sure” Joe answered, not quite finished with pouting but halfway there. Keeping a pout up was exhausting. Joe sat in position, ready to start his boring first shift, a yawn escaping him and having an itch at the nape of his neck.

.~.

He couldn't believe his luck. He'd been following them, observing and waiting in the shadows for _weeks_ without even the possibility to get revenge. His anger and thirst for blood grew bigger and bigger with every passing day. He stared down at the three brothers from out of a shadowed gap between two rocks, shielding him from the ice-cold wind. All his hatred and attention was focused on one particular man, being occupied with assembling a meal for himself and his companions. _Adam Cartwright._ Wright has been waiting a long time to catch that imbecile alone, but no matter where he went, his stupid brothers Hoss and Joe were always right there with him. _As if they were guarding him,_ Wright thought... Did they get wind of him escaping on his way to prison and were now protecting him? Wright doubted that. A fond smile creeped over his face as he remembered how the horses had dragged the wagon to a conveniently remote place before crashing. The authorities had probably not found the wagon with all its dead passengers yet. It had almost hurt him a little when he had shot those proud, beautiful Horses.

Now he only had to wait for them to fall asleep. Tonight, the time had come. Tonight was a night for blood.

 


	13. Prey

He was furious. This whole thing started to become ridiculous. Wright had patiently waited for the brothers to go to sleep only to realize that for some reason, the youngest brother was on watch while the other two were sleeping. Why on earth would they set up a watch if they didn't expect someone to attack them. _They do know!_

Wright gripped a handful of his own hair, pulling hard and waiting for the pain to ground his nerves. He closed his eyes taking a deep breath. There was no way Wright was going to delay his plan for revenge any longer. The longing to cut that tan throat was driving him mad. He felt like that man was taunting him. Every action Adam took, every second he lived on seemingly carefree, tortured Wright. That scum had stolen everything from him and lived a life that did not belong to him. Opening his eyes, he started to pace around as much as his small hiding spot allowed him to. Tonight, Wright was going to act. If that meant he'd need to cut three throats instead of one, then so be it. Those brothers deserved no better. They were loyal to that lying garbage. He sharply went down into a crouch, slowly moving closer to the little camp. He was in trance, animalistic instincts kicking in and drawn to his pray like a moth was drawn towards a source of light. He sought cover, trying to think of the best way to attack the youngest Cartwright, _Little Joe, w_ ithout waking the other brothers up just yet. Wright was a slim but tall and strong built, muscular man but he feared that that bear of a brother, Hoss, would rip him apart with his bare hands if he'd catch him doing what Wright planned to do with the youngest brother. And Adam wasn't a wimp either.

A yawn brought Wright back to the present and he squinted his eyes to look past the dancing flames of the campfire to sneak a peak at the figure leaning against the rock. Little Joe Cartwright was on the brink of falling asleep. His heavy eyelids drooped leaving small slits of only the white of the eyeball for Wright to see. He'd snap them open again only to fail miserably at leaving them open as they began to close again. He sank further and further against the rock supporting his back, his heavy head lolling to the side and his shoulders slumping until Little Joe was just a heap of limbs and soft snores.

Wright held his breath, while changing his plan yet again. He decided to stay in his hiding spot a few heartbeats longer to assure that the three men were properly asleep. His eyes darted over to the dark figure to the campfire's immediate right his flank slowly rising and sinking. Wright had to suppress the crazed laughter which tried to rise to his throat from his insides, the anticipation enhancing his senses. He patted the side of his worn out pants to reassure himself that the cloth for muffling screams and his sharpened knife were in place. _Now._

He slowly rose from his hiding spot, floating closer to the camp as a sharp movement caught his eye, making him freeze in place. Adam's long limbs had twisted sharply under the brown, weathered blanket. He continued to twitch, spreading from his legs to his arms, which were almost flailing by now. Oddly enough, There were no sounds coming from Adam. Then, the movements died down, but as soon as they did, Adam's upper body rose, putting himself into a sitting position. Wright was quick to disappear in the shadows again to shield himself from Adam's sight. Said man started to get up, standing on wobbly legs, the blanket still draped around his feet, were it had sunken to the floor when Adam got up. He took one step, or rather tried to, because his feet were caught in the blanket and he landed face first on the rough ground. Wright's gaze wandered to the other brothers who were still asleep before it snapped back to Adam who was currently trying to get up on shaky legs. Wright caught a glimpse at Adam's face: His eyes were half-lidded and had no light in them. His mouth was slightly agape and his chest was rising and sinking evenly, almost as if...

_What is going on?_ Wright asked himself. He continued to watch the spectacle of Adam walking a few steps aimlessly only to almost stumble again, unfold right before his eyes, curiosity gnawing at his insides. Adam was walking away. Away from his camp, from the safety of the fire and away from his protective brothers and Wright was right on his heels. Wright watched as Adam took one unsteady step after the other into the darkness that welcomed him. _Left, right, left, right..._ The predator right behind him felt like a child on Christmas morning. After they both walked a good distance away from the makeshift camp, Wright caught up to Adam and stepped in front of him, putting on the most devilish expression he had to offer.

“Remember me, Cartwright?” Wright roared. “I've been waiting a long time to meet you alone.” He'd been expecting everything. Since the moment he had left the wagon and made the journey back to his paradise, since he started imagining getting revenge on Adam for what that man had done to him. He imagined all kinds of scenarios for this confrontation: Adam crying, begging for mercy, Adam screaming for help, trying to run away, even him fighting to the death with Wright but he had certainly not expected Adam to simply ignore him and walk past him.

“HOW DARE YOU!” Wright shouted, out of his mind because of the disrespect. With long strides, he was back in front of Adam, gripping a handful of Adam's rumpled red shirt, his arm and fist shaking with rage.

“How dare you.” He repeated, his voice lower now but more intense and more deadly than every before. Adam made no move to resist or to fight back. Wright's enraged gaze sought Adam's eyes, longing to spot fear in them but looking at Adam's eyes finally told Wright that the man in front of him was someplace entirely else. The man right before him was just an empty shell. Wright nodded as he stared at the freak before him, new doors already opening up inside his head, showing him how he could deal with the situation when one particular idea flooded his mind, making a snarl appear on the killer's face. There was a chance for everything to turn right again, a chance for him to return to his paradise, an opportunity in form of a senseless man he was still holding by the collar of his shirt.

“You.” Wright said and tugged at Adam's shirt. In response, the Cartwright followed Wright's movement and took a step towards his enemy, as if he was a stupid animal on a leash. Wright's expression turned to one of wonder as he tilted his head and regarded the puppet whose strings he currently held in his hand. Almost softly, he raised his hand and grabbed Adam's chin to forcibly turn his puppet's head from side to side and without resistance of any kind, Adam complied. Letting go of Adam's shirt, but not of his chin, Wright pulled out a strong rope he had secured at his belt just in case he'd needed it. Finally letting go of Adam's chin, Wright roughly grabbed Adam's wrists and bound them together in front of him, leaving enough rope for Wright to have an actual leash. With one last glance at his captive, Wright turned and set course for the hideout he'd been using as a home for the last couple of weeks. With a non too gentle tug at the rope, Adam mindlessly trotted along, away from his family.

 


	14. Laughing

“Joe! Joe wake up already!” Someone was shouting his name, gripping his shoulders and shaking him. Suddenly being aware that this was not a normal way to be woken up by, Joe sat up sharply, his heart beating a mile a minute. He looked around with wide eyes, waiting for his view to clear. He was disorientated and searched for a clue to explain the feeling that something was utterly wrong. His gaze landed on the silhouette, who was hovering over him, still clutching his shoulders painfully and recognized it as Hoss, as his eyes finally decided to adjust to the bright light.

“Hoss! What is wrong?” Little Joe asked, his voice shaking from the abrupt use after a long, peaceful sleep. The sun was up already, dancing in the sky and greeting them with its warmth _._ Suddenly, Joe's mind was flooded with memories of the last day's events: The trip to Reno, the hours of exhausting negotiations, them setting up camp and Adam's nightmares and him being too stubborn to accept help from his brothers. _Adam._ Joe finally decided to tune in to Hoss' panicked ramble Joe hadn't even realized he'd zoned out from to catch the last few words.

“-could be dead! We have to pack and go! Now!” Little Joe blinked a few times in confusion. _Wait what?_ “What do you mean Hoss? What is going on?” Joe asked, his breath suddenly trying to catch up to his heart's rhythm. He was already dreading the answer. “Joe! Ye were supposed to wake me up but ye fell asleep and now Adam's gone! Were ye even listenin'? We have to go and look for 'im!” Hoss repeated, turning away from Joe to pack their stuff. With Hoss gone from his frame of view, Joe was finally able to glance at the place Adam was supposed to be. His blanket and bedroll lay discarded in the dirt and traces of someone stumbling away from their camp littered the dusty ground. No sight of his oldest brother. Joe's world started to spin. He had been supposed to watch his older brother, to keep him safe and prevent him from walking off but instead, Joe had fallen asleep. It was his fault. One task and Joe had messed it up. He had failed his brother. Suddenly, there was a firm grip on his bicep, hauling him to his feet.

“Joe, now's not the time to feel guilty. Ya can help 'im by helping me trackin 'im down.” Hoss was dragging him over to their horses, their stuff already secured in their saddle-bags. Joe commanded his legs to work properly again and swung himself up into Cochise's saddle. Adrenalin and determination took over. Hoss was right. Joe should focus on helping Adam in the best way possible now and that was finding him and assuring that he was safe and unharmed.

“Yeah, let's go. We're going to get our brother back.” With that, Joe and Hoss rode off, following the tracks into the unknown.

~

Adam woke up slowly, feeling really exhausted. His whole body ached all over, especially his back and shoulders. Adam knew that it was getting more and more difficult to get a full night's rest camping outside, nature providing only the ground as mattress, with growing age, but the pain he felt right now was almost overwhelming. To get at least a bit of relief, Adam decided to stretch his abused and aching limbs only to realize that they didn't comply as Adam wished. Tugging at his hands with more energy to get them out of the uncomfortable position behind his back send a sharp pain upwards and made his arms tingle as if thousands of ants were crawling under his skin. He was tied up. Testing his feet revealed that they were bound together as well. Adam snapped his eyes open, half expecting to see his brothers stare down at him apologetically, but instead, he stared at a stony ceiling which was lulled in a dim light coming from somewhere behind his head. A cold breeze licked at his face making him shiver and a foul, wet smell assaulted his nose. Adam's heart sunk into the pit of his stomach, his pulse spiking and his breath hitching in his throat. He wiggled around, aggravating the tender flesh on his wrists further with every pull at his bonds. This wasn't the work of his brothers. They would never do something like this to him. Even when Hoss had first tied him up, he had also insisted on padding the rope to prevent Adam's wrists and ankles from bruising.

“Hello?” Adam tested his voice, not quite expecting to get an answer back when he heard a shuffling sound coming from directly in front of him, further down in the darkness of what Adam assumed had to be a deserted mining shaft. Straining his neck, he lifted his heavy head from the ground, trying to lay eyes on his abductor. There he was, Sherman Wright, sitting on a rock only a few feet away. He stared at Adam, a malicious grin plastered onto his dirty visage, his head slightly tilted in a crazed manner and his eyes sparkling, telling tales of agony and murder. Adam couldn't believe his eyes. _I must be having a nightmare again,_ he thought. Wright was in prison. Adam had send him there. This had to be another illusion his broken mind was providing to remind Adam of his sin. That's what he might have believed... until Wright spoke up.

“I've waited quite a while for you to wake up.” Wright got up from the rock, stepping closer to Adam. “You know, the coldness and the darkness of this lovely place helps me think.” He squatted down right in front of Adam's feet. “About all the things I could to with you.” He grabbed one of Adam's foot and enjoyed Adam's miserable try to wiggle away from him.

“You are supposed to be in prison! What are you doing here!?” Adam screamed in his face, suddenly furious. His anger gave way to fear quickly as Wright was hovering over his face in the blink of an eye, grabbing Adam's throat tightly and choking him.

“Watch it Cartwright! You should watch your darn manners!” Wright spat into Adam's face while squeezing harder and harder until black dots started to dance at the rim of Adam's vision. Adam's fading gaze caught Wright's face. The man before him had an expression of pure euphoria etched into the wrinkles tracing his face. His steely blue eyes were unfocused, as if he wasn't even realizing what he was doing. Wright licked his lips, his breathing increasing. Adam was struggling with his bound limbs, trying to fight Wright's weight off of him. His conscious was slowly fading and right there and then in Adam's dying moment, a peaceful thought crossed his mind: He had been right the whole time. Wright was a monster and a murderer. He had brutally choked a young woman to death -just like he was choking Adam right now. The shadowed figure in the alley, releasing a limp body from their grip, had finally a face and Adam's little lie had been a service to Virginia city and its people. He felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He stopped struggling, feeling so tired. Adam's decreasing movements seemed to snap Wright out of his reverie. His gaze focused on the dying man's face beneath him. He released Adam's abused throat and moved a few paces away, staring at Adam's chest, searching for a movement indicating that his captive was still breathing. After still not spotting a breathing motion, Wright cursed out loud, kneeled down besides Adam and started slapping his face, hoping to startle the imbecile back to dragging breaths into his lungs. Wright's anger was flaring up hotly. After all the weeks of imagining and planning out the perfect revenge on Adam, he had lost his temper and with it possibly the opportunity to quench his thirst for said revenge to Wright's satisfaction. Cartwright couldn't die like this. Wright let his anger take over and was now furiously beating Adam's limp body, putting his fist with as much force as he could afford down on Adam's chest. He felt a sick crack beneath his fist as one of Adam's ribs gave way, breaking because of the inflicted violence. Finally, the beaten man beneath him convulsed as he desperately tried to fill his burning lungs with air, making Wright freeze mid-motion. Without another word, Wright stoop up, turned away from Adam and left the mining shaft, leaving Adam alone in his misery. Adam peeled his eyes open, letting his tears flow which burned in his eyes after every torturing intake of breath. He took a moment to even his breath out as much as he dared to until he looked around, searching for the man right out of his nightmares. After not spotting him, Adam started to work on the rope on his wrists again, the sudden Adrenalin rushing through his veins blocking out the pain he inflicted on himself with the movement. He needed to get away from Wright as fast as possible. He was going to die if he stayed put. His thoughts went out to little Joe and Hoss. He fell asleep while being together with both of them. He could only imagine what had happened that he found himself in this mess as soon as he had woken up. Did Madam take over and made him walk right into Wright's arms? _But Joe and Hoss were on watch to make sure I don't wander off..._ Adam's blood ran cold as a tiny voice in the back of his head whispered to him. _What if Wright killed them when he took you?_ Adam shook his head, telling himself that little Joe and Hoss had to be already on their way to find him.

“It's useless...“ A voice echoed through the mine, coming from behind Adam's head. “Even if you manage to get your arms out of those ropes, you won't be able to outrun me.”

Adam stopped tugging at his ropes. His unconscious action resulted in his wrists being raw and bloody by now. He bent his head until Wright was walking into his view, staring down at him in disgust. Adam had to know... He feared to provoke Wright into accidentally killing him but Adam couldn't help himself from asking the question he feared the answer for the most.

“What about my brothers? What happened to them?”

“I killed them both. Slit their throats in their sleep.” The answer came faster than lightning, Wright himself sporting a rather nonchalant expression as if he was talking about the weather. “Well to be honest, the little one was still awake while I did it. I don't know why but he was awake... as if being on watch.” The killer shrugged and took a sip from a canteen he produced from a bag lying at his feet.

Adam was in shock. There was a chance that Wright was lying to him, to inflict emotional pain, but if he simply took Adam when he wandered off as Madam, how would Wright know about Joe being on watch? If Wright had taken Adam from their camp, didn't that mean that little Joe had seen it happen? If that was the case... Adam didn't even realize that Wright had come over to him and snapped his fingers in front of Adam's empty face. Not caring about Wright's temper any longer, Adam forced his upper body upwards to scream into his face.

“You monster! How could you lay hands on my brothers! You will regret what you've done!” Adam was wheezing and had to lie back down on his back after the pain in his chest became too much to bear. Adam didn't know if it was because of his apparently broken rib or his broken heart. And Wright? Wright was laughing into Adam's face.

 


	15. My fault

Little Joe coughed violently as a cloud of dust rose from beneath them as they had to stop in their tracks all of a sudden. He felt the prick of tears behind his eyelids and closed his eyes tightly, waiting for both the dust to settle and the cough to subside. When he opened them again, he saw Hoss staring down at the dusty ground with a tense expression on his face. Joe's eyes shifted to the floor immediately, looking for something to explain Hoss' worried expression. He maneuvered Cochise closer to the footprints on the floor, mindful of them to avoid accidentally stepping on them and was finally able to determine why Hoss was distressed. There were way too many footsteps in this spot; They had been following Adam's prints, but now they were joined by at least another pair of footprints. They were pretty similar regarding the size but one set of prints revealed a shoe-profile which was entirely different from Adam's set of prints. Besides that, Adam's marks were messy, following an unknown path. They told little Joe and Hoss about him stumbling, shuffling, trailing his feet as if he was simply a drunkard trying to find his way home. This new set of prints was different; It somehow looked dangerous. It had a dangerous feel to it. The prints were clear to spot and made by setting one's feet down with much force and determination. It had been following a straight path, having a specific target to reach. Joe swallowed heavily, peeling his eyes off of the footprints. “...Hoss.” Joe addressed his older brother.

“I know, little Joe.” Hoss answered without taking his eyes off the ground.

“Is there a chance that that unknown person simply wandered through here at a different time than Adam did?” Joe asked hopefully.

“I don't think so, Joe...” Hoss released a heavy breath before finally looking into Joe's face. “Do you see Adam's set of prints right there, where they are first joined by the unknown person?” Hoss pointed to one particular spot. “The prints are overlapping, with the stranger's prints being on top of Adam's, indicatin' that he walked through here after Adam did. But right here,” Hoss pointed to a spot to his right and Joe's left side. “...here is one of Adam's messy footprints on top of the stranger's print, indicating that Adam walked through here after the stranger... or at least behind him.” Hoss had a frown on his face. “It also looks like they were somehow interactin'... Or at least the stranger was interactin' with Adam.”

Joe's heart sank into the pit of his stomach. “You mean someone stumbled over Adam and found him in his current condition?”

“Not exactly. Didn't tell you earlier 'cause I thought might not be relevant, but I spotted the stranger's footprints a while earlier. He'd been takin' the same path as Adam and you and I did.”

“Why didn't you tell me!” Joe exclaimed, not quite knowing how to handle his anger.

“Calm down Joe. I thought I didn't need to worry you 'bout somethin' that might be nothin'.” Hoss said, raising his hands to defuse the situation. Joe deflated like a pricked balloon. He knew that if Hoss had told him earlier it wouldn't have changed a thing. He knew Hoss' intention of trying to shield him from more emotional distress. He also knew that he couldn't stop the anger from bubbling up from his insides, with no way of venting it. On the contrary, he didn't know how to stop that endless voice in his head, repeating ' _It's all my fault'_ over and over again. Shaking his head slightly while releasing a breath, Joe's eyes darted towards Hoss again. He opened his mouth to apologize, to say that he understood, to say something! But no words dared to leave his lips. It took one look into Joe's desperate eyes for Hoss to understand and gently waving Joe off, Hoss said: “I know Joe, don't worry 'bout it. We're gonna get 'im back.”

“What should we do now? I don't know how you're feeling, but I have a very bad feeling about our stranger.” Joe asked as he finally found his voice again.

“Me too. I don't think we can handle this on our own anymore. For all we know someone took Adam, while he was sleepwalking. I think we should inform the sheriff and get the help of a search posse before things turn from bad to worse.” Hoss said and sighed.

“But what if Adam's secret comes to light?” Joe interjected. “We were supposed to keep it secret _for him!”_ With a smaller voice, little Joe added: “I already failed him by falling asleep on watch. I can't disappoint him again.”

“Joe, think 'bout it. It's already day time. Adam should be awake by now. If he woke up without being in trouble, what would prevent him from followin' his own tracks back to our camp? We would've already come across 'im if that would be the case. The chance is pretty high that he is in trouble right now.” Hoss finished and already started to look for the footprints to fallow them again. “We've traveled far enough by now... Virginia City should be just ahead of us. We traveled directly south from Reno back to the Ponderosa. As far as I remember, the footprints headed south as well. Joe, you ride towards south-east, Virginia City should be close.” Hoss took out a map and a little piece of coal from one of his saddle-bags. Pressing the map against Chub's saddle, he drew a line going from their roughly estimated position towards south-west. “Our stranger seems to follow a straight path while walkin'.” Hoss marked a funnel-shaped area on the map, the line heading south-west sitting directly in the center. The funnel was small directly at their position and expanded going further south-west. “They were on foot and Adam's still messy footprints suggest that he was still sleepin'. They couldn't have gone that far.” Hoss said while handing Joe the map. “I will continue to follow the tracks and try to locate 'em and you head as fast as you can to Virginia City and get a search posse ready. Come and look for us in the marked area on the map.”

“But I want to look for Adam as well! What if you need my help?” Joe exclaimed desperately, not wanting to leave either of his brothers behind.

“Joe, we might not have a different choice here. We don't know how many enemies are awaiting us. Actin' recklessly might cost Adam's life. And let's face it: You are way faster and more skillful ridin' a horse. If anyone manages to reach Virginia City fast as lightning, it'd be you.” Hoss tone left no room to bargain so Joe might as well stop wasting their time.

“What am I gonna say to Roy to get him to assemble a search posse?” Joe asked.

“Tell him the truth. Tell him someone took Adam and we need help to get him back.” Joe nodded at Hoss. Clicking his tongue as a signal for Cochise, Joe turned away from Hoss and made his way towards Virginia City as fast as his beautiful Horse could manage.

_This is all my fault,_ Joe thought and rubbed the tears from his eyes which kept welling up _because of the stinging wind_. He hoped for this mess to be over soon. And when that time finally came, he hoped that Adam could forgive him.

~

_This is all my fault_ , Adam thought while letting the tears flow down his dirty cheeks. _I should've told little Joe and Hoss about Wright and about what I've done when I still had the chance._ He sniffed. _I should've trusted them enough to believe that they would not abandon me when I tell them the truth._ He coughed wetly. _Now they are gone and it's my fault. I should've told Pa about the nightmares and the sleepwalking. Oh god Pa..._ He sobbed quietly. _How am I going to explain everything to Pa? How will I even face him after what I've done. How can I come face to face with him when I'm the reason two of his sons are dead?_ Adam thought about the times his father had grieved after losing another loved person. The loss of Adam's, Hoss' and Joe's mother had already been enough for Ben to take. Adam remembered the painful months in which his father was nothing but an empty shell. Only the presence of his sons had managed to pull Ben back to reality from that dark, dark place. _He won't be able to deal with Joe's and Hoss' death,_ Adam realized, making him sob more violently, shaking his whole frame and inducing bone crushing pain every time his ribs pressed against his slaughtered lungs. He stopped struggling against the rope tying his wrists together behind his back once again, having not even realized that he'd been doing it. _Why do I keep on struggling? Why do I keep on trying...?_ Adam's sobs had subsided and his tears had stopped flowing down his cheeks, leaving wet trails in the dirt on the dark skin and his eyes were red and puffy. _Why don't I just... stop?_

Suddenly, images flashed before his eyes, of Hoss and little Joe looking up to him when they were little, them smiling at him. Then, there was his Pa, smiling at him as well, putting a big hand on his slender shoulder. They turned to look at Joe and Hoss playing in the nature as Ben's voice echoed through Adam's mind. _Look out for them, Adam. For them and for yourself._

He had failed to protect his brothers, but he felt like that he at least owned them and Pa to try to survive this. He owned Pa the truth. He couldn't leave without telling his father the truth. So, Adam decided to stay strong. _For them._

Footsteps alerted Adam about someone arriving and he painstakingly lifted his heavy head off the ground to be able to lay eyes on the new arrival. A few drawn out seconds later and Wright strolled into the mine, humming a tune. He saw Adam and stopped in his tracks as his eyes fixed on Adam's face.

“Aw, have you been crying, Adam Cartwright?” Wright cooed as he slowly came closer to Adam while fumbling something out of his pocket. It was a dirty neckerchief. Wright kneeled next to Adam and snaked one hand behind Adam's head, attempting to raise it as Adam tried to struggle against the contact and wiggle out of Wright's grip. But the strong man held him tight.

“Uh-uh-uh... Don't make this difficult for me Adam. I am the puppet-master here and when I want to lift your head, that is exactly what is going to happen.” He smiled down at Adam, his tone as if he was talking to a child rather than a full-grown man. With Adam's energy reserves being empty rather quick, he could do nothing but stay still, his lips tightly pressed together and his eyes desperately averted from Wright's gaze, as said man oh-so slowly wiped Adam's face clean again.

“There you go.” Wright lowered Adam's head to the ground and stared at his face a few seconds longer to regard his handy work.

“Now, let's have a little talk.”

 


	16. Mask

“ _Now, let's have a little talk.”_

Wright walked up and down in front of Adam, occasionally staring down at his captive before resuming to wander around. Adam didn't dare to do anything to direct Wright's anger onto him. After a while, Wright suddenly walked directly to where Adam was lying on the floor, grabbed a handful of Adam's sweaty shirt and forcefully lifted his body into a sitting position to come eye to eye with him. Adam couldn't help a sharp hiss from slipping over his lips because of the sudden movement.

“So, Cartwright... Since when? Since when were you such a freak? Who knows about it? What is causing it?” Wright asked with wide, searching eyes. A little smile danced over his lips. Adam just snapped his eyes to Wright's face to stare directly into his eyes, gathering all his anger and fueling every fiber of his body with it.

“So I'm the freak now?” Adam couldn't help the dam from breaking. “Am I'm the one who can't handle being rejected by one person? That's what happened, right? You loved her and she rejected you! Probably because she saw who you really are.”

“Stop...”

“She saw how broken you are on the inside, how corrupted and how stained, how fouled your mindset is.”

“Stop!”

“She was about to dodge a bullet. A lunatic bullet. She wasn't someone to be fooled by your pretense. She saw right through your mask! So you killed her!” Wright had started trembling halfway through Adam's tirade. With a sharp movement, Wright's trembling arms moved to grab Adam's black locks to pull his head up, exposing his neck. With the other hand, he produced a sharp knife from behind his back and almost rammed it against Adam's bruised throat. Adam felt how the blade painfully sank into his skin, something wet dripping down from the spot a few breaths later.

“I SAID STOP!” Wright screamed, pushing the knife deeper into the skin. He took a few calming breaths as he saw that Adam made no further attempts to open his mouth.

“You have no idea what you are talking about.” Wright said with a low, almost quiet voice. Adam struggled to keep himself from moving against the knife sitting on his throat. The pain erupting on his scalp and spreading down his head made it difficult. Wright's grip on Adam's locks was still the only thing holding his upper body locked in the sitting position.

“I'm not wearing a mask. All the people in Virginia City know me for who I really am. I never had to pretend to be something I'm not. You just can't accept the fact that as soon as you caused me to be sentenced to prison, the whole town turned their backs on you. You couldn't handle living as an outcast because you were used to the respect you received. But do you know what? The only thing which received respect is your last name -Cartwright. They never respected you for who you really are! Do you seriously think true friends would turn their backs on you just like that? They were never your friends. _They_ put a mask on _for you!_ The incident made them take the mask off! You should be _thankful_ towards me! From now on, you'll be nothing more than a name!” Wright finally drew the knife back from Adam's throat and released his hair, making Adam's upper body plop painfully to the floor. Wright stood up and turned his back on him before chuckling a little bit.

“Who knows... They might also remember you for someone who caused his own brothers to die.” Adam felt like Wright's words finished the job and sliced right through his throat. He had a giant lump sitting in the back of his throat and tears pricked his eyes, threatening to fall again, but Adam managed to hold them back. He wasn't going to give Wright the satisfaction in letting him know just how much pain these few words had inflicted. Wright turned towards Adam, raising his voice once again.

“And now, look at you. There is nobody left for you. There is nothing left. The last few doubters who are still on your side will hunt you down as soon as they witness what kind of freak, what kind of monster you are. Walking around, lifeless like an empty shell. Possessed by evil forces, who take control over your body. They'll be afraid and most importantly they will doubt every word, every judgment and every statement you ever made. And I will be the one to show them. I will be their savior.”

“They will never believe you! It will be your word against mine and I will tell them everything you did! I will tell them that you killed my brothers!” Adam spat into Wright's face.

“Haha, no they won't believe _you_. All I have to do is wait for you to fall asleep and guide your possessed body into Virginia City. They can see for themselves what kind or freak you are.” Wright laughed again, making Adam close his mouth. What if that was really going to happen? If the people in Virginia City would see Adam in his sleepwalking condition, would the last bit of his credibility be destroyed? Would they fear him? Will they never listen to anything he has to say? Will they hate him? He could almost see and feel their judging looks boring into his flesh. He had a giant headache pulsing behind his eyes and closed them to let them rest, pushing all those thoughts aside for now...

~

Wright took a sip from his canteen and lightened an oil lamp to illuminate his hideout. It was already late in the afternoon and the setting sun barely reached their surroundings in the mine shaft anymore. The flickering lights fell on the man resting on the floor. Wright tried to cancel out any noise, moving carefully if moving at all and being thoughtful of his surroundings to prevent any loose soil from crunching under his weight or loose stones from slipping and clattering to the floor. Wright had it all planned out. As soon as Adam fell asleep and showed the same signs as yesterday, Wright would guide his senseless puppet towards Virginia city, showing him off to all the people. If they question Adam's appearance, Wright would simply tell them that he had found him like that. Who knew what could happen to someone who stumbled around like that in a dangerous world such as their own. He would explain the rope binding his hands as being necessary to assure Adam's safety and prevent him from wandering off or even preventing him from attacking Wright. There was no way Adam could explain his behavior in a rational way without sounding desperate and delusional. And if Adam would tell them that Wright had killed his brothers... They would definitely be convinced of Adam's delusional state if his brothers happen to walk into town and prove that they were still alive right then and there...

Hoss and Joe Cartwright. Wright had to admit, that he was a bit worried about them. There was no way that they weren't looking for their older brother. Since there were no signs of a fight in camp, Wright had high hopes that they simply believed he'd left earlier to reach home sooner and that they would simply follow that mindset and travel home as well. His gaze wandered over Adam's body. He had untied Adam's feet earlier to allow him to move them while he was resting. Now all he had to do was wait.

~

Hoss had followed the footsteps as best as he could. After crossing a small stream of water and crossing over a high ground which was constantly pestered by a howling wind, Hoss had trouble following the faded steps, even losing them once or twice. He himself made sure to leave as obvious signs and traces as possible. At one point he had grabbed a large branch dragging it across the ground next to Chub's steady hoofprints, leaving long obvious streaks in the dust. Joe would have no problem to follow these obvious traces, catching up with him quickly. After what felt like an eternity, Hoss came to a stop in front of an old abandoned mining shaft. He couldn't just barge in there, not knowing which situation might await him on the inside. He settled behind a rock, having a good lookout and waited for the cavalry to arrive.

~

Little Joe had reached Virginia City in record time, being out of breath but still full of adrenaline as he jumped off of Cochise's back and stormed into Roy Coffee's office.

“Roy!” Joe managed to say before he had to drag in a few hurried breaths to calm his burning lungs. He bend down, putting his hands on his knees.

“Joe! What happened?!” The familiar voice made Joe rise sharply from his position to come face to face with his father who had been sitting in a chair in front of the sheriff's desk. Little Joe only managed to stare at his father, thousands of thoughts rushing through his head.

“Joe, talk to me!” Ben had grabbed Joe's shoulders and was gently shaking him by now. Roy had risen from his chair as well and stood next to Ben with a worried expression on his face.

“Little Joe, what is it?” Roy asked. Joe looked at Roy briefly before snapping his eyes back to his father's face. Finally having his voice back, he said: “We need help. Pa... It's Adam.”

 


	17. Truth

Ben's heart was racing. _Pa... It's Adam._ His body ached from bopping up and down in his saddle because of the steady gallop. _He was taken overnight by someone._ Droplets of sweat dripped into his eyes, making his vision blurry. _Hoss followed the traces but we were afraid that something happens to Adam if we act recklessly. We need help!_ As soon as Ben had heard these desperate words from his youngest son, saw the traces indicating that little Joe had been crying, Ben had run amok in town, especially on townsfolk who were reluctant to come forward to volunteer as part of the search posse. In the end, no one dared to openly draw in their horns and reject his plea for help. Now, Ben, little Joe Cartwright, Sheriff Roy Coffee and around ten men were on their way to rescue one of their own. Ben felt like he was riding through a thick fog, which was blocking out reality for him. Ben knew his sons were grown up and they could handle themselves pretty well. He'd easily trust each one of them with his life but he could never stop from worrying over them as soon as they arrive later than estimated. It was supposed to be a simple negotiation in Reno. Easy... To Reno in the morning and back at the Ponderosa the same day, but as afternoon turned to evening and evening turned to night, Ben was already worried sick. Maybe they were just enjoying themselves in Virginia City on their way home? Or the trip simply took them longer than expected? If they still hadn't returned in the morning, Ben decided to make a visit to town to see if he'd find them there. And so, Ben strolled into Roy's office the next day, hoping to sound as casual as possible as he asked the Sheriff if he'd seen any of his sons come trough by chance. Roy was just about to open his mouth to answer him as the door being burst open behind them startled them both. Ben turned to give the new arrival a piece of his mind because he was being rude but his blood ran cold as he spotted Joe, hunched over and breathing heavily. That had only been one hour ago. Now, they were riding through the prairie to catch up to Hoss - and hopefully- to Adam.

“This is the area Hoss marked on the map. We should be able to find his prints somewhere around here.” Joe spoke up as they all slowed their horses down. They started to spread out and searched the ground for the traces Hoss left. After a few minutes, one of the men called to them that he found a set of traces that were seemed to be left on purpose. Joe and Ben dashed to the spot and examined the traces as well.

“Yes, that are definitely Chub's hoofprints. And look there” Joe pointed to long scratches in the dust next to the hoofprints. “That looks like he was dragging some kind of branch next to him. We can easily follow these marks.” The whole posse was tense and on guard as they proceeded to follow the traces in slower, quieter steps now. Some of the men held rifles in their hands, ready to defend, attack and protect. After what felt like an eternity, they were able to see a horse in the distance resting behind some bushes. _That's Chub!_ Ben thought, his heart skipping a beat. Next to him, Joe sucked in a sharp breath, having spotted the familiar animal as well. They decided to leave their horses further away and continue on foot to try to make as little noise as possible with such a large group of people. As they got closer to Chub, they heard a sound coming from their right, where Hoss' head was poking out from behind a rock, looking at them. Roy gave instructions to the posse to stay a few paces away as he himself, Ben and Joe carefully advanced towards the spot were Hoss was hiding. As they reached him, Ben took in Hoss' appearance, searching for wounds and asking if he was alright.

“Am fine, Pa. Took me awhile to follow their traces and then I've been observing the entrance to their hideout. They are over there in the mine shaft.” Hoss spoke with a low voice, his eyebrows scrunched and his gaze unfocused as the wheels in his head turned, trying to find a solution for the problems ahead of them. He then blinked a few times and searched out the eyes of his father and his friend Roy. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“You two did the right thing. We don't know with whom we are dealing with and especially how many there are. Adam's safety is our priority.” Roy added, his tone composed and serious. But there was cold determination hidden in his facial feature. As they tried to figure out what they were supposed to do, the decision to take the initiative in this situation was taken from them as they spotted movements at the entrance of the mining shaft; Two figures stepped out of the shadows. All their hearts seemed to skip a beat, the sounds around them died out for a moment and their breathing stopped briefly as they could make out what happened right in front of their eyes. There was a man in his mid-forties with gray hair and an equally gray beard in dirty clothes, pulling something on a rope behind him. That rope connected to the bloodied wrists of Ben's oldest son, Adam. He was slowly trotting along and followed the pull on his wrists without resistance. Ben's eyes filled with tears as they wandered over his son's manhandled body. Adam's hair was messy, his face and clothes were dirty. His wrists were bloody and there was a dangerous gash displayed on Adam's throat. His eyes were half lidded and somehow... empty. Ben was pulled back into cover, not even realizing he was about to storm out of their hiding spot to get to his son.

“That is Sherman Wright!” Roy said next to Ben and Joe. He sounded surprised and beyond angry. Ben forced himself to rip his gaze off of his hurt son and looked at the man who was still pulling on that rope, making Adam stumble behind him. Roy was right, Ben knew that man; Sherman Wright, the shop owner who was tried for murder. He got sentenced to prison... because Adam witnessed the murder and could testify in court two months ago. And now, this man was abusing his son and he was... _He was smiling?!_ Wright was shining brighter than the sun as he casually danced across the landscape with his prisoner in tow. Ben was furious and judging from the low growl and fuming around him, the others were as well. A few paces away, Ben heard the soft gasps and murmurs of the rest of the posse. They must've recognized both men as well by now. An angry and annoyed exclamation from in front of him made him focus on the two men at the mining shaft entrance again. Adam was lying on the floor, face first, his hands pinned under his body. Wright was roughly grabbing him by his hair and the collar of Adam's shirt and forcefully pulled him back to his feet again. _What is happening right now?_ Despite the situation, Ben couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. The behavior Adam displayed was strange and very unlike him. He'd never simply comply without putting up a fight in a situation like this. Ben feared for Adam's state of mind. _Who knows what that man has done to him?_ Besides him, Hoss and Joe shifted nervously, glancing at each other briefly, having a silent conversation before turning their focus back to the situation at hand. Wright was currently grabbing Adam's chin with one hand and turned his head from side to side, saying... no almost cooing words to Adam. Ben could make out the words ' _careful'_ and ' _puppet'._ Ben had heard and seen enough and couldn't take this anymore.

Before anyone could stop him, he emerged from his hiding spot behind the rocks and stepped right into Wright's path. They still stood quite a distance away from each other.

“WRIGHT!” Ben shouted and succeeded in actually startling said man who was still staring at Adam's face. In the blink of an eye, Wright was behind Adam, winding one muscular arm around Adam's throat and putting a knife against the already bleeding throat which he held in the other hand.

“Not a step closer!” Wright shouted. The shuffling sound behind Ben signaled him that the rest of the posse rushed to his side to help as well. He could hear quite a few click sounds from several safeties being removed as his armed allies took their position. Ben's eyes were glued to Adam's face. Something was wrong. It was absolutely not like Adam to act like this. He didn't even react to his father's voice. He wasn't even looking at them. _This is not Adam._

“ _Oh good._ You are all here. I planned on going to Virginia City to meet you but it seems like I can simply show you here.” Wright said, his eyes wandering over the little crowd in front of him. He slowly released the arm around Adam's throat and grabbed a handful of his black hair, pulling sharply at it. The force of the pull pushed Adam's throat against the knife still sitting on it below Adam's chin. The whole crowd around Ben sucked in a breath. A few of the men flinched or hissed, but the only person who showed no reaction at all was Adam. It was like... as if he was-

“Lifeless! Look at this man! He is nothing but an empty shell! And yet, he stands and walks. People of Virginia City, don't you think that this is the work of some kind of evil force? Does this man seem sane to you? Would you trust this man's word? Would you be able to meet him and interact with him like you always did knowing what kind of freak he is?” Wright chuckled, shaking his head. “He has done nothing but deceiving you! He's been lying to you, keeping his dirty little secret. He lied to you in court about what he witnessed to sentence me to prison. Without you knowing, he's been wandering around like this at night – possessed- serving some kind of evil purpose.” Wright was breathing heavily, his crazed eyes jumping from one face to the other. “So I came to save you all. To make you aware of what lives among ourselves. My friends!” Wright was smiling at them.

“He is totally insane-”

“Look what he's done to poor ol' Adam!”

“Wait... He did break out of prison didn't he?”

“Do you seriously think you can just break out and walk around torturing our friends!?”

“Let Adam go, you monster!”

“What is wrong with Adam? He needs our help!”

All around them, people raised their voices, begging Wright to let Adam go, telling him to surrender, threatening him with bodily harm if he wouldn't put the knife down.

“Adam, son... What is wrong?” Ben asked, his voice slightly shaking. There was no response from Adam.

“You don't understand people! This is not Adam! This is not even a human! HOW CAN YOU BE ON HIS SIDE! He wasn't even able to see the murder happen! There is no way he could've seen the murderer's face in that alley that day! He lied to all of you in court!” Wright was hysterical.

“Well, how would you know that Adam lied?”

“Yeah, why wouldn't he be able to see the murderer's face and why would you know that?”

“You really did kill her! Only the killer would know!”

“Adam told the truth!”

“Oh god what have we done..”

Roy raised his hands and the voices died down immediately. Roy's worried gaze was glued to the knife in Wright's now shaking hand. Wright's head was bright red and he was grinding his teeth.

“I did this for you! Don't you see? OPEN YOUR EYES!” Wright screamed at them, pulling Adam's hair back with more force, exposing the tender flesh to the merciless knife.

“Wright! Please let our brother go! It's useless, there is nowhere to go!” Little Joe took a step towards Wright, standing now right next to Ben. Joe's voice had startled Ben a little bit.

“Joe?” There was a raspy voice coming from right ahead of them. All eyes present flew to the man who had just talked. Adam was staring at Joe, his eyes glossy from unshed tears. His mouth was slightly agape and his lower lip was trembling. It looked like he wanted to say something but didn't dare to do it.

“Yes Adam, it's me! We are here for you, don't worry!” little Joe tried to assure him, to calm him down.

“Adam!” Hoss was now standing on Ben's other side. Adam's eyes snapped back and forth between his two brothers standing in front of him, alive and well and then he couldn't help the tears from running down his face. Despite the situation he was in, he couldn't care less about the knife pressing down on his Adam's apple. His brothers were alive and that was all that counted right there and then for him.

“What?” Wright, not expecting his hostage to be awake and aware poked out from behind Adam's back to be able to cast a glance at his prisoner's face. Suddenly a shot rang out and Wright was violently thrown backwards by the force of the bullet penetrating his shoulder. Time slowed down as Ben watched Wright's body turning, the force pulling him to the ground and then there was a sudden flare of light blinding Ben as the sun rays were reflected from the knife's cutting edge still pressed against Adam's throat. There was a strong jerk and Adam went down with Wright, landing in a heap on the floor. For a few second's nobody moved and after a few breaths, all hell broke loose. Ben, little Joe, Hoss and Roy rushed towards Adam who was still on the floor. The other men were just inches behind them. When they reached the two men, Wright was writhing in pain in the dust, pressing a hand to his bleeding shoulder. The knife was located a few feet away from him and one man of the posse took it immediately into safe keeping. The knife was awfully bloody. Adam was lying on his side, pressing his still bound hands to his neck. There was blood seeping out from under his fingers.

“Adam!” Ben kneeled down next to his son and took him into his arms. He took out a clean handkerchief from his pocket and removed Adam's hands from the gash to get a better look at it. It seemed to be pretty deep and a lot of blood seeped out of it. He pressed down on it to slow the blood-flow down.

“Adam, don't worry, everything's gonna be alright, son.” Ben soothed, barely holding the tears at bay.

“Pa. Hey Pa, I'm sorry.” Adam looked up at his father, smiling at him. “I should've told you. I almost failed my biggest and most important task. I'm so sorry, I'm sorry.”

“No Adam, don't worry, you did nothing wrong, son.” Ben was gently caressing Adam's cheek, slowly rocking back and forth without even realizing it.

“Adam!”

“Adam.”

Joe and Hoss stumbled in front of Adam, kneeling down as well. Adam looked at them his lower lip trembling again.

“I thought I lost you,” were the only words which dared to cross Adam's lips before he broke down into sobs. Little Joe and Hoss moved closer to somehow hold him, to stay with him and be there for him. They both understood the words Adam just said and realizing that they had thought the same about him a few minutes ago, made them shed some tears as well. Tears of relief.

 


	18. Perspective

Adam was lying on the floor of the deserted mine shaft, eyes closed, trying to even his breath out. He shifted his aching legs slightly, making himself a little more comfortable. Wright had taken off the rope around his feet, giving him at least a little freedom to move them. Lying there, several scenarios went through his head. Now that his feet were free, there was always the possibility to simply run for help and hopefully: freedom. But even if there was an opportunity, an opening for him to start running, Adam doubted that he could outrun Wright. Wright was a few years older than Adam but Adam couldn't even sit up without being out of breath due to his broken ribs. Therefore running was not an option. He could wait for help... But who would come for him? His Pa might get concerned when all of his sons go missing. They were only supposed to seal a deal in Reno and Ben knew that that would likely not take more than a day, a day and a half maybe if the night would force them to make camp. By now, Ben had to know that something was wrong and he was probably looking for them. Adam's throat clutched again, thinking about his brothers and how his father would take the news. He made a promise to his brothers to tell their Pa what happened, to be at least there to provide all the comfort he could offer... or be there for him to help vent his anger. Adam would gladly take all the anger and hatred from his father if that meant he could do right by him, Joe and Hoss. But to get there, he needed to stay alive. Maybe Adam should play along? If he complied with everything Wright wants him to do, he would not that easily draw Wright's attention and fury onto him. That was the most likely way for him to stay alive.

_All I have to do is wait for you to fall asleep and guide your possessed body into Virginia City. They can see for themselves what kind or freak you are._ Yes. That's what Wright had said earlier. That was probably also the reason why Wright had untied his feet; So he'd be able to start walking in his sleep. If Adam pulled a perfect imitation of Madam off, Wright would simply guide him to Virginia City and therefore, to safety. It was his only chance to get out of this situation alive. _You looked like you were in trance, showed no reaction to our voices. You walked past us. Not even a touch could wake you up._ Little Joe's voice echoed trough his head. That was what Joe had answered him when he had asked his little brother what he was like when he was sleepwalking. _I can pull this off._

Slowly, he started twitching, his booted feet making scratch sounds on the floor while doing so. The twitch grew more violent and he let his upper body join in as best as he could with his wrists still being tied up. With his shoulders sacked and his arms slack, Adam tried to rise but soon felt the pain in his chest and gave up on sitting up. He just thought that if he truly was asleep, the pain would prevent him from sitting up as well. So, falling back down and settling for only lying there with half-lidded eyes and twitching legs was all the acting Adam could present to Wright to fool him. After a while, Adam attempted to sit up again only to break off the movement again halfway through because of the pain. But his unfocused gaze then caught a blurry image of Wright kneeling close-by, inspecting him carefully. A crunching sound later and there was suddenly a hand on his cheek, tapping it slightly. Adam had almost flinched away then and thanked Joe for his immunity to being scared or jumped. He had years of practice because of his little brother pulling pranks on him. Wright now took hold of Adam's face and turned his head from side to side, inspecting the lifeless gaze Adam presented through his half-lidded eyes. Wright seemed to be satisfied because he let go of Adam's face and snorted before chuckling softly.

“Cartwright?” Wright addressed him. Adam decided to take it one step further and slightly opened his mouth to breathe. The even sounds of him taking a breath washed through the mine shaft and finally, Wright was convinced that Adam was asleep. He moved towards Adam and put his arms underneath his armpits, hauling him to his feet. While doing that, Wright was not considerate of Adam's injuries and inflicted enough pain in Adam's chest which made it impossible for him to stifle a soft moan. Wright paused his action to look into Adam's lifeless face.

_Am I caught?_ He had to suppress gulping out of nervousness with all his might.

“Aw did that hurt you, little puppet?” Wright taunted. He then proceeded to press down on Adam's chest with his knuckles and then pinched the tender flesh on Adam's throat, making him moan and gasp in pain, even allowing himself to let a pain-laced expression show on his face. Wright shook his head while laughing and then went behind Adam, out of his sight. Adam already feared another painful jab in his back but it never came. Instead, Wright took hold of Adam's hands and untied them roughly. Once they were free, Adam let them fall and dangle next to his sides, like there were weights in the palm of his hands, pulling them down. Wright then appeared in his frame of view again as he took hold of his hands and tied them together in front of Adam's body, leaving enough rope for him to have some kind of leash. Satisfied with his handy work, Wright tugged at the rope and Adam dutifully trotted along. For good measure, he made sure to stumble occasionally. Pissing Wright off in the process was not enough to gratify Adam, though. But at least it was something. They stepped out of the mine shaft into the daylight, making Adam squint. He was then roughly dragged along by the rope, aggravating his wrists further. Wright seemed to be in a pretty good mood; Adam could make out his bouncing step through his blurred vision. In protest, Adam decided to face-plant. Wright shouted at him and wheeled around, grabbed Adam's hair with one hand and the collar of his shirt with the other hand and painfully pulled him back to his feet again. He then took hold of Adam's chin again and turned it from side to side to see if his prisoner had injured himself further.

“Be a little more careful, puppet. I need you with you face intact when we meet all the people in Virginia city.” Adam was getting sick and tired of all of this. Suddenly there was a roar slicing through the air, starling the man who still held his chin in one hand. Wright let go of Adam and swirled around violently to make out where the roar had come from. Everything happened so fast, Adam couldn't even process it. In the blink of an eye, Wright was suddenly behind Adam, holding him in a chokehold; There was also the ice cold sting of something else pressed against his throat. Adam could imagine what that was.

“Not a step closer!” Wright screamed next to Adam's ear. His blurred vision could identify several figures gathering up around 40 ft away. There was a slight flicker of hope in the pit of Adam's stomach, but he forced himself to remain emotionless on the outside. Wright went on, telling them that he was on his way to Virginia city to meet them but could show them now. Then he released the arm wrapped around Adams throat only to dig his now free hand into his poor hair again, pulling at it and making Adam's head tilt upwards. Wright went on and on about what kind of freak Adam apparently was and he asked the people that had gathered if they'd still trust a monster like him. Besides concentrating on the blade that still sat on his throat, Adam dared to tune in to the response the people of Virginia City would give. What he heard surprised him:

“ _He is totally insane-”_

“ _Look what he's done to poor ol' Adam!”_

“ _Wait... He did break out of prison didn't he?”_

“ _Do you seriously think you can just break out and walk around torturing our friend!?”_

“ _Let Adam go, you monster!”_

“ _What is wrong with Adam? He needs our help!”_

_Friend? They still consider me as a friend? They want to save me? They want to help me..._ Adam was overwhelmed with relief. All those weeks he had spent on the tip of his toes in Virginia City, having to sneak through the town, having to avoid the people who once trusted him with their life. His friends, his home... back then, he thought he could handle the sudden rejection. He thought he could deal with living as an outcast but right now, hearing them begging for his life made him realize just how tired he was. Tired of everyone and everything. Tired of carrying the weight of the lie, the weight of their hatred and betrayal and tired of carrying these secrets and the guilt. For a brief second, he allowed himself to be indulged in the sensation of being liked and respected once again. He had to concentrate a whole lot to not let any of these strong emotions show on his outer facade.

“ _Adam, son... What is wrong?”_ The force of these words reaching Adam's ears not only dragged Adam back out of his thoughts, no, they hit him like a train. _Pa..._ His Pa was there as well. To save him, to get him back. He must've been worried. _What if he already knew about Joe and Hoss?_ Was Ben currently fighting to save his son or to make sure at least one of his sons stayed alive? Adam wanted to answer him, wanted to show him that he was alright but he didn't dare to. He was not ready to face his father. He was not ready to tell him about Joe and Hoss. _Not yet._ He also couldn't risk letting Wright know that he, in fact, was not sleeping but merely pretending to be. Wright was currently having a false sense of security. Him thinking he had the upper hand might give Adam the opportunity he needed to get away. Adam's mind had wandered away from the situation. It worked in his favor, making him appear lifeless. As if through a fog, he could hear Wright screaming louder and louder at the crowd. But surprisingly, their protests, pleas and threats were returned with equal force and determination. Wright had lost. Adam knew, the people knew and Wright knew.

“I DID THIS FOR YOU!” Wright screamed as he pulled on Adam's hair again, pressing the knife against his throat. _That's it,_ Adam thought.

“ _Wright! Please let our brother go! It's useless, there is nowhere to go!”_ Suddenly, there was another voice, a voice that couldn't possibly be here right now.

“Joe?” Adam asked disbelievingly, not caring to pretend anymore, letting his gaze wander over the crowd in front of him for the first time. He spotted his father immediately and next to him, stood Joe. Joe looked winded and his cheeks were slightly puffy. His eyes were red and his hair was messed up. He looked at Adam with such an open display of love that Adam couldn't help the tears from starting to fall. _Joe is alright. Thank god, he is alright._ Joe was talking to him but Adam's eyes jumped to a movement coming from Ben's other side.

“ _Adam!”_ Hoss stood next to his father, sending a concerned look Adam's way. _Hoss is alive as well. They are both alright._ The next few seconds went by in a blur. Adam couldn't tell if it was blurry because of his clouded mind or because of his tear filled eyes. There was a shot and a violent jerk, pulling him to the ground. There was also hot, glistening pain crawling from a spot on his throat through his whole body. The next thing he knew was that someone was trying to pry his hands away from where he desperately tried to press them down on his neck and after that, he found himself lying in the arms of his father, holding him like he did when Adam was still a young child, rocking softly back and forth. They were joined by Joe and Hoss and together, they held each other and were just there for one another. Lying there and bleeding out, for the first time in weeks, almost months, Adam felt truly alive again. The rocking motion put his tired mind to rest and he closed his eyes, having the scent of his father engulfing him and the touch of his brothers reassuring him. Adam fell into unconsciousness.

 


	19. Revelation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter of my first Bonanza fanfiction ;w;  
> Please enjoy the read!

The day started early for Adam. He was standing on the porch, a cup of coffee in one hand, sipping the black liquid in delight occasionally. He enjoyed the peaceful, quiet morning as the rising sun greeted him with warm rays shining through the crown of a nearby tree. Adam let a little smile appear on his face as he stood there with not a worry in the world. Footsteps behind him made him aware of someone approaching; Adam turned his head to greet the new arrival but a strain and painful sting on his throat made him stop mid-motion, turning to the approaching figure with his whole body instead. His father was standing in front of him now, greeting him with a smile so warm, it could rival the sun. Ben's warm gaze wandered from Adam's face down and a frown disturbed his features.

“How is the wound?” Ben asked, concern seeping through his words. Ben nodded his head in the direction Adam was currently pressing his hand down.

“It's fine, Pa.” Adam said, putting the hand down immediately. It was a simple subconscious action but Adam tried to refrain from doing it as best as he could in the presence of his family. “The wound is healing nicely. Doc Martin said I even won't be needing bandages in a few days time.” The wound had been deep but apparently nothing vital- as Doc Martin had said- was injured. Still, Adam had been fussed over by three fully grown Cartwrights, an overprotective Sheriff, an over-committed Doctor and a very angry but caring Chinese cook for the last two weeks since he'd been rescued. The first days were tough; Adam caught his family members more than once checking up on him as he recovered from the ordeal. Hoss and little Joe often checked up on him at night. One time, when both decided to do that, Adam accused them of subconsciously still being on Adam-watching-duty which brought up a topic which Adam had avoided like the plague. Now, there was a giant elephant standing in the middle of Adam's room and it could no longer be ignored. And so, they talked.

“So, Madam is gone? Are you sure? How would you know? You had nights without Madam before as well... And then Madam took over again and we had to go get you and help you to stay out of trouble.” Joe was exasperated, but mainly because he wanted it to be true. He desperately wanted for his brother to be free of this weird curse. If Madam returned nonetheless, Joe wasn't sure if he could deal with the disappointment. Hoss was eyeing Adam, who sat upright in his bed, suspiciously as well, not quite trusting his brother's words.

“Are ye sure, Adam? Ya not jus' tryna to reassure us or anythin'?” Hoss asked, knowing his brother just too well.

Adam chuckled softly at his brothers' protectiveness. “Yes. I assure you, that Madam is gone.” Their faces still displayed a number of doubts but as Adam's face turned serious and his gaze distant, they grew less suspicious and took a moment to give their brother the benefit of the doubt.

“It's just that... For the first time in weeks, since the whole thing with Wright had started, I am able to feel carefree again.” Adam had a sweet smile on his lips, dwelling in the feeling of not feeling like a filthy liar anymore. “Every step I made, every breath I took was almost unbearable... Back at the trial... I wasn't sure if it was Wright in that alley. I just knew it was him but without having much of a proof.” Joe and Hoss were deadly quiet, all their attention focused on their brother as he made his revelation. “I didn't see his face. I saw his watch and one of his subconscious tics. I lied to make sure that he couldn't hurt anyone ever again. I thought I did the right thing but the guilt ate me alive from then on. The people in Virginia City treated me like filth and I couldn't help but believe their judgment and feel every inch the man they saw me as. I started to have nightmares then. They were about the trial, about the murder I witnessed... about all the little 'what ifs' that accompanied me day in, day out. I felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders.” Adam now turned to look at them. “When the two of you found out, you took some of that weight from me. You helped me stay sane and you helped me believe in myself again when nobody else did. I don't know if I could've pulled through all of this without you.” Adam finished and could've sworn Joe turned to wipe away the tears from his eyes.

“Woah, woah, what's with such a huge compliment, brother?” Joe said jokingly. “Seems like you are not as sane as you think you are.” Hoss let loose a low rumbling laugh, lighting the mood up immediately.

“Take it or leave it, little Joe. It's the last one you'll get.” Adam said in between soft chuckles. “Anyway, when all of this was resolved, the nightmares were gone and with them, Madam.” Adam concluded and sighed.

“Who is gone now?” A voice coming from the door of Adam's bedroom had all three of them turning to it in mild panic.

“Pa! Nothing! I mean nobody is gone. There was nobody here in the first place.” Joe rambled as an explanation, digging their grave deeper and deeper in the process.

“But I heard you say that a 'Madam' is gone. Is there a special lady I should know about, Adam?” Ben asked, advancing into the room and closer to his oldest sitting in bed.

“Well-”

“And what was that about having nightmares?” Ben came even closer.

“Pa, I can explain-” Adam tried again, letting out a breath to calm himself.

“Is this about you sleepwalking at night?” Ben asked, his voice loud and clear, full of authority, making all three brothers shrink away slightly. The words hung in the air for a while. Adam, Joe and Hoss had to fully process them before anyone could react to them.

“... How'd-”? Adam managed after gaping at his father for a few seconds.

“Adam, what do you take me for? I saw you, in front of that mine shaft. At first I couldn't put my mind to it, but yet I felt like that I've seen something like that before.” Ben took a chair and sat next to Adam's bed. “The way you behaved -not only in front of that mine, but also in the last couple of weeks- made me suspicious. That one time I ran into you in the hallway... That one time you came home in your nightshirt with bloody feet...” Ben sighed. “I should've seen the signs earlier. You know, back when you were still a small child and we were on the road, you often had nightmares. One night, I caught you trying to leave our wagon. I spoke to you, I touched you, I held you back but you showed no reaction to me or my words. Back then, it happened once in a while and I always made sure you were alright and not getting yourself in danger. You never remembered anything from these incidents the next day, so I decided to leave it and not tell you about them. You were still so young and I was afraid you couldn't comprehend what was going on. We had already so many worries... And for such a young boy, you already had enough responsibility weighting you down. As life went on and days got better, you one day just stopped walking in your sleep. I never told you about it because I didn't want you to feel like... like...” Ben struggled to find the right word.

“Like a freak?” Adam supplied. Ben's gaze snapped to Adam in concern, but his oldest son was looking down at his fidgeting fingers with a little smile on his face. “So I was like this before... No wonder you figured it out, Pa.”

“I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner, son. I only had an idea when I saw you in front of that mine shaft. But-” Ben rummaged behind his back and produced a small note book he held in front of him so Adam could read the title on the first page. In bright letters, it said ' _THE CASE OF MADAM'_ “-this confirmed my hunch in the end.” Ben said. All eyes turned to little Joe, who seemed to be observing something really interesting in the corner of Adam's room all of a sudden.

“Adam.” Ben said, getting Adam's attention back. “Are you alright now, son? Is Madam really gone as you said earlier?” Adam smiled at his father in admiration.

“Yes, don't worry.”

~

One and half a week later and Adam had recovered enough to get back on his feet and even get back to work. In the time Adam had recovered, Wright was on trial again, found guilty and executed a few days later. Eyewitnesses say that he'd broken down completely, losing his mind and himself. As the noose was laid around his neck, his booming laughter could be heard through the whole city. It still haunted some of the people who attended the execution.

Now, standing on the porch in the morning, Ben approached Adam to give him his first real task after the ordeal he'd been through.

“Adam, I have a list of supplies that need to be restocked. Could you take a wagon to town and do that for me?” Ben asked, a slight waver in his voice. He observed Adam's reaction carefully.

A shiver ran down Adam's spine. For the past two weeks, he had avoided going to Virginia City. He didn't want to go there and meet the people. He was afraid to be treated like an outcast again. Now, looking at his father's hopeful expression, Adam didn't dare to turn down his father's offer of getting some real, honest work done for a change. He needed to get back on his feet. So, Adam nodded. He got the list, the wagon and set course for Virginia City. As he neared town, he couldn't help the sense of dread nestling itself in the pit of his stomach. The wagon got closer and closer to town and he was gently swaying from side to side. As he drove along the main street, there were several people stopping their actions to openly stare at him. Some whispered to each other as he drove past them. Adam pulled his head deeper into his face, having an odd sense of déja vu. He stopped in front of the general store and got off of the wagon. He was busying himself with preparing the loading area of his wagon, so the footsteps approaching him went unnoticed by him. Then, someone behind him was clearing their throat to get Adam's attention. Adam turned around, fully expecting to face someone who was still hostile towards him, but instead, was surprised to come face to face with almost all the people in Virginia City. They had all gathered up behind him, forming a half-circle with multiple rows. There were old folks, schoolkids and even mothers holding their toddler. In the first row, there were little Joe and Hoss, smiling at him. Adam gaped at the crowd, his eyes wandering across the faces who looked at him with so many emotions. There was kindness, admiration, remorse and regret but not one face held any trace of hatred or anger.

“What is going on here?” Adam finally managed to ask.

“Well, big brother. The people 'ere got somethin' to tell ya” Hoss boomed, the smile on his face widened even further.

“Adam.” An elderly woman, Rosie, stepped forward, addressing him first. “Adam I'm so sorry how I treated you. I should've never been so angry at you. I am ashamed of myself.” Rosie said, looking down in shame. Adam could only stare back, being overwhelmed by the sudden, honest apology. Rosie had been a really close friend of Wright and therefore, had openly accused Adam of lying during the trial.

“I'm sorry as well, Adam.” Adam turned to look at Hank, who pushed his way to the front to be able to face Adam properly. “I should've known better. Even though I knew what kind of person you are, I turned my back on you and disrespected you. I'm so sorry. The store-owner had to look down as well, not able to look Adam in the eye. One by one, the people stepped up to apologize. Adam just stood there, not quite able to process what was happening. They asked for forgiveness, asked about his injuries and apologized with nothing short of only true feelings. They also told him that they needed him and that they want everything to be normal again. They reassured him that they'd give him the time and space he needed. If Adam had any lingering feelings of dread, they melted away from him right there on the spot. He was soon engaged in conversations with them, answering their questions concerning his health and he accepted every apology that reached his ear.

“Whose idea was this?” Adam asked his brothers when the crowd had seemed to calm down a bit.

“Pa, Hoss and I had a little plan going on but mostly... Most people of Virginia City approached us, saying they want to genuinely apologize to you. They kept asking how you were and they wanted to visit you but Pa held them back to make sure you recover first.” Little Joe said, a cheeky grin appearing on his face. “It was all their deed.”

Adam turned to look at the people around him who seemed much more relieved and relaxed after their apology had gone well. Putting his hand up to get their attention, Adam yelled “How about we have some drinks in the evening?! First round is on me!”

“Pa will kill you.” Joe said.

_~The End~_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finished. Overall, this story took me 8 month to write *realization* holy sh-  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it ^^  
> I apologize for the lack of personal comments and note... This was originally posted on my account on fanfiction.net and I simply wanted to upload it here.  
> If this is you first time reading this story, please leave me a comment about your thoughts. It would be greatly appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


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